What Have I Done
by clairealuna
Summary: What happens when you've worked so hard to build something up only to watch it fall so quickly? Every relationship has problems, it's normal. But the ultimate test is who can overcome them and who will fall to them... Re-Post
1. Prologue

I sat in the backyard watching the kids play as a storm begins rolling in. Everything seems darker and stormier now, not just the weather. Life doesn't seem so bright and sunny anymore.

They were playing in their motorized cars when the rain started pouring down. "Come on guys. Time go to in and get some dinner" I shouted to them to get their attention. They all hopped off their toys and ran into the house.

"Time for dinner!" I shouted as I quickly set up the table. I watched as Arabelle, Amia, Abriella and Aiden came running into the dinning room, taking their designated spots at the table waiting anxiously for the food I was getting ready to serve them. Their favorite meal, home made macaroni and cheese with garlic bread and salad.

"Mom?" Amia asked when we were finishing up eating.

"Yes honey?"

"When is Daddy coming home?" she asked with sadness in her eyes.

I looked at her for a moment trying to think of the correct response, "I wish I knew honey, but I don't" I finally said. How can I give her a real honest answer when I don't even know myself? When I'm wondering the same thing?

"I miss him" she said as she twirled some more spaghetti and put it in her mouth.

"I know honey, I do too, we all do"

The rest of the meal was quiet, I made their favorite desert as well; strawberry cheesecake.

After dinner I cleaned up the table and then found the kids sitting in the living room watching the Disney Channel. I walked over to them, "What do you guys say we watch Daddy on TV?" They all eagerly shook their heads so I walked over to the DVD cabinet and pulled out their old Movies. It was their favorite concert video of their father.

I can only hope it'll keep them over until he gets home


	2. Miss You

"ARABELLE GRACE CULLEN GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!" I yelled from the kitchen. I heard her footsteps running into the kitchen, shortly followed by three smaller pairs of feet running to see what was happening.  
"Yeah Mom?"  
"What is this?" I asked pointing to the mess in the kitchen. There was mud everywhere tracked through out the whole kitchen.  
"I came in from outside" I looked back at her seven year old beautiful face. She seemed like it was totally fine.  
"And what do we do when we come in from outside when it is all muddy?"  
"Take our shoes off" she said looking down as if she were disappointed in herself.  
I nodded my head, "Alright, now go get the mop and broom and clean that up so I can cook dinner"  
"What are we having?"  
"Hamburgers on the grill"  
"Yum" she said before walking off to get the mop and broom to clean up her mess.  
"Is Dad coming home?" I looked as Amia asked me the same question she asks me often. The boys are off doing press for their new album, before hitting the road for tour in a couple months.  
"He's in England honey. He'll be home on Saturday, only two more days"  
"Are you excited?" I heard Belle ask as he mopped.  
"I am very excited. We're having a big dinner that night, Rosalie is coming over with Maddie and Bray and is helping me make food along with Alice. And then the boys are coming home and Grandma and Grandpa over too"  
"Really?" they all asked excitedly. I looked into the face of seven year old Arabelle Grace, Four year old Amia Nicole and the two year old twins, Abriella May and Aiden Anthony.  
"Yup. Big feast, lots of steak and chicken and salads and deserts. So many deserts and fun and everything you can imagine. " I smiled at all the kids. Joe has been gone off on promotion for almost two weeks in Europe, Canada and other countries.  
"We're still going to New York right?" Belle asked me. We planned a little family outing for New York for a couple days when the boys album drops. It's become sort of a tradition with us, every year we can plan on going to get the album together.  
"Yup but only for three days remember, one day before the album, the day of and the day after"  
"Yes, Mom I know. No fun, just work"  
"Arabelle"  
"What Mom?"  
"Don't give me attitude"  
"I'm not, I'm just saying that your making it seem like it won't be any fun. It will just be Dad promoting stuff the whole time, no time for us"  
"Belle" I said walking over to her, "You know your fathers job is time consuming. You love New York right?" Belle nodded her head, it was one of her favorite places in the U.S. "Then just being there should be enough. I can't promise that it's going to be the most fun you've ever had, but it will be fun. Your father and I have been planning some things"  
"Like what?"  
"That's a surprise" I said smiling at her, she smiled back before I walked out to the back yard to put the burgers on the grill. We still live in the same house and it is still just as amazing as ever. I am thankful we decided to get the house with six bedrooms and five bathrooms and large open space. Each kid gets their own room, Arabelle is glad for that. She loves her siblings, but doesn't want to share a room with them.  
Amia takes after Edward more and more each day, she's already started singing with a beautiful voice at only four. Arabelle likes to sing too but she said she doesn't want to do it for a living. She thinks it'd be fun to try out a couple times, but that's it. Ella and Aiden also take after their father. Belle got my wavy hair, Aiden, Amia and Ella have the typical Cullen family straight hair, They all have green eyes expect belle. I'm proud of my family. Edward and I have done good for ourselves.

"Belle, Amia come on we have to go to the store" I shouted from the door where I waited with Ella and Aiden.  
A few moments later the girls came running up to me and I rushed them out the door. I put the twins in their car seats and Amia in her seat while Belle jumped in the front. When I was finished I drove to the store, trips to the store are always interesting. It's one thing to go to the store and try to keep track of four kids, but trying to keep track of four kids with paparazzi everywhere is even crazier.  
"Belle hold the twins hands" I said as I grabbed Amia's hand. "Oh my god" I groaned when we walked in the store and saw that it was completely packed. Apparently everyone wants food today.  
"Mom can we get these?" Belle asked holding up a cheesecake.  
"No" I saw Belle pout, "We're making our own, with strawberries" Belle's face lit up.  
"Really?"  
I nodded my head, "Yup. We just have to get the stuff. But you can get some cookies over there. They look delicious" Belle smiled at me before bouncing off to go look at the cookies while I waited in line at the deli. A couple minutes later she came back with a container of cookies and put them in the cart.  
"Aiden get back here" I said as I saw him try to run off to go look at the cakes, "we'll look at them in a couple minutes." He always wants to look at the cakes when we come to the store.  
An hour and a half later we were finally in the car on our way back home. "Belle can you grab some bags too" I said while I gave Amia a light bag to carry.  
"Thank you" I said when all the bags were in, "You can go play if you want. You don't have to help put it away"  
"Okay, I'll be outside"  
"Alright, have fun and be careful" Belle nodded her head before she turned around and ran out the door.  
When I was in the middle of putting away the food when I heard the familiar tone coming from my blackberry.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey" I heard the gentle voice say on the other side.  
"Hey, how's Europe?"  
"It's good but it could be better"  
"Why? What's wrong?"  
"You and Belle and Amia and Ella and Aiden could be here and it'd make this trip a million times better" I smiled. Edward is always saying sweet things.  
"Well L.A would be better if you were here too. I can't wait until tomorrow"  
"I know me either and then we get to go to New York"  
"Yeah, I'm excited. But Belle was giving me an attitude about New York today"  
"Why?"  
"Because she said I'm making it seem like it'll be all work and no fun. But I told her we have things planned that she will like"  
"Good" The line was silent for a few seconds before Edward spoke up again. "I'm sorry Bella"  
"For what?" I asked confused.  
"For never being around, I feel like a bad parent and husband"  
"No Edward, it's not your fault. Your in a high demanding career. Your not a bad father, the kids love you more then anything and they look up to your so much"  
"I know but you're the one to and you always care for the kids and work so hard"  
"Well, I love my job and I love my love. Don't worry about it Edward, just finish up in Europe and hurry home because we all miss you"  
"We miss you too"  
"I have to go finish putting away the groceries. I'll see you tomorrow"  
"Alright, I love you"  
"I love you too" I ended the call and went back to putting away the groceries.  
Tomorrow will be the best day in a while. It is always a happy day when the boys come home from a trip. What better way to spend it then with the whole cullens family?

* * *

**Let me know what you think :) and I'll quick to post.. **


	3. Homecoming

"Belle can you grab the door please" I yelled from the kitchen.

"Aunt Rosalie!" I heard her yell.

"Hi Belle" I wiped my hands and walked to the front door.

"Hey" I said giving her a hug, "Hi Maddie, Hi Bray. How are you guys doing?" I said giving them each a hug.

"Good" they both responded.

I looked back up at Rosalie, "Alice called, she said she would be here in a couple minutes, oh thanks for going to the store, let me take that" I said taking the bag from Rosalie and walking into the kitchen.

Almost right on cue the doorbell rang signaling that Alice was at the door. I walked in to get it but Belle already had it open and was hanging off of her. "Belle let aunt Alice go, your strangling her" I heard Alice laugh before Belle took her arms away.

I gave a hug to Alice, Jasper's wife of only six months. "Rosalie is already here, we're getting started"

"Awesome, I'm so excited" I nodded my head and smiled as we walked into the kitchen. When we arrived Rosalie and Alice exchanged hugs.

"Alright lets get this started we only have until 3:30 to finish so we have enough time to get dressed and cleaned up for them to be here between 4:15 and 4:30 so we have" I looked up at the clock "Three and a half hours to get all of this done, you ready?" The girls nodded their heads.

"What do you want to start with?"

"Um, let's go with deserts first. We're making cheesecake and apple pie and I told the girls they could help with the desserts. So it'll probably be easier if we just get that out of the way so they can play and stuff"

"But won't they get messy?" Alice asked.

"We have smocks and aprons and everything else. Trust me, we are prepared" I said showing them a large box in the closet filled with the clothes. Alice and Rosalie smiled.

"Let's do this then" Rosalie clapped. I called the kids in and we got them all suited up.

"Ah! Don't put in too much sugar Amia!" I shouted when I noticed she started to put in to much. She looked up at me confused like she did something wrong. I rushed to her, "You didn't do anything wrong honey. That's just enough sugar for right now"

"Alright Maddie, your turn" Rosalie said. Madison stepped up on the stool and poured in the lemon juice. "Good Job, next" It took us a while to finish making the deserts. Alice worked on the apple pie with Ella, Aiden and Brayden while Rosalie and I worked with Belle, Amia and Madison.

"Thank you guys. You can go play now" I said when we were finished baking. "Alright, on to the real food now"

We were all in the middle of slicing potatoes and bacon for twice baked potatoes when Alice spoke up out of the blue. "I have something to tell you guys"

"What is it?" Rosalie and I both asked. Alice looked up to make sure no kids were around. "They're outside playing" I said causing Alice to let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm pregnant" she blurted out. Rosalie and I both looked at her stunned at the news she just hit us with. Then it hit us and Rosalie and I both dropped our knives at the same time and ran over to hug her.

"Congratulations!" We both screamed excitedly. But when we pulled away we could see the look of fear on her face.

"Does Jasper know?" I asked her noticing the look on her face.

She shook her head, "I haven't told him yet"

"How far along are you?"

"Six weeks" Rosalie and my eyes must have bugged out of our head because she quickly explained. "I only found out two weeks ago. I found out the day before he was leaving for Europe"

"Why didn't you tell him before he left?"

"Because he would get all stressed out before going and I didn't want that."

I nodded my head and I looked to see Rosalie thinking. "When are you going to tell him?" I asked.

"I was thinking… tonight at dinner"

"In front of everyone?"

She nodded her head, "Do you think that is a bad idea?"

I thought for a minute, "Did you guys talk about having kids?"

"Yeah but not for at least a year"

" Edward and I didn't plan on having kids for a while either but we got pregnant on our honeymoon. I thought Edward was going to be upset or something but he was so thrilled. He said it was soon and a shock, but he wouldn't change it for the world. I'm sure Jasper will be the same"

"How do I tell him though?" Rosalie and I looked at each other and smiled. "What?" She asked worriedly.

"Do you want to just blurt out at dinner, hey I'm pregnant or a funner way?"

"I don't know…" She asked confused. "Fun I guess"

"I think I have some instant cake mix and frosting in here" I said going over to the cupboard. "Ah ha, here were go" I said pulling out a box of chocolate cake.

"What is that for?"

"Bake the cake and then write your message on it. Then when it comes time for dessert you'll carry it out and place it in front of him" Rosalie and I both smiled.

"Seriously?" We both nodded our heads. "Alright" she said. I handed her a bowl and beater and the rest of the ingredients she needed. "Make you cake" I said to her. She smiled and began cracking eggs.

"I can't believe there is going to be ANOTHER baby coming, in the last what six years we've been popping out babies. We've had six kids and are on the seventh!" Rosalie laughed. "I think Emmet and I are going to try again soon. We need to catch up to Edward and Bella" she laughed again.

"No one can catch up to Edward and Bella, they are like bunnies" Alice said looking at me causing us to laugh.

"Hey! It's not our faults the sex is good and that sex produces babies"

"I don't wanna hear about your sex life, that's my brother in law" Rosalie laughed.

"Oh like you don't like your sex life"

"No it's good" Rosalie laughed. "Very very good"

"Alright, we're making food, let's talk about something else" Alice said laughing. One thing I liked about Alice was that she fit in with us the moment we met almost four years ago.

Her and Jasper met through a mutual friend and hit it off, but only became friends. They were friends for a few months until Jasper decided to ask her out. They've been together ever since. Jasper proposed to her on her birthday, a month before their two year anniversary. They got married eight months later in a quiet perfect little ceremony in Forks.

Before we realized it, it was 3:30. "Oh my gosh, we have to clean up fast. They're going to be home shortly!" I said looking at the clock. We all rushed around putting the food in heaters so that it would stay warm and then quickly cleaning up the counter.

I walked outside to see how the kids were doing setting up the table. It was warm tonight with no winds so we figured it would be a good idea. "Wow, this looks wonderful you guys" Rosalie, Alice and I smiled at them as Belle helped the younger kids on the proper silverware placement. The backyard had a calming homey feel to it. There was a maroon table cloth over the table with four candles set up evenly spaced apart. There were two different tables set up, one for the kids and one for the adults. There was way to many people to sit at once table considering there were fifteen of us total. We had asked the band and Rob to join us, but they all said they'd probably be tired from the trip and didn't want to bother our family time. I invited them over for dinner tomorrow to catch up, they agreed to that.

"Alright guys, this looks amazing. Let's go get changed" I said ushering all the kids inside. "Alice can you take Belle and Amia to get dressed, I'll take the twins. The girls clothes are laying out on the bed" Alice nodded her head before walking off with them. It took a half hour for all of us to change and get the kids changed.

We all walked out at the same time when the door bell rang. I looked through the door and saw that it was Esme and Carlisle. "Hi guys" I said giving them a hug.

"You look beautiful Bella" Esme said holding a pie.

"Thank you, oh Esme you didn't have to bring anything"

"I know you said that but you know me" Esme put her head in the air. "The food smells delicious"

"Thanks, it's just in the warmer" I watched as they hugged Rosalie,Alice and the kids.  
Carlisle walked over to us, he'd been on his cell phone. "That was Rob, they'll be here in a couple minutes" We all nodded our heads in excitement.

For the first time in two weeks I got nervous about seeing Edward. I always get nervous when he goes off on these trips, fearing that he met someone else or decided he doesn't love me enough. He always ensures me that it would never happen, but I'm a girl and I have my insecurities. Losing the boy I love is a fear I have. I'm sure you can understand.

A couple minutes later we were standing in the kitchen with Esme when we heard the car pull up. "Daddy's here!" I heard Amia yell. I heard the doors shut signaling they would be in the house shortly. Right on time, no more then three minutes later I sucked in my breath as I watched the door knob turn and the door pop open. The first face we saw was Emmet's smile plastered on his face as he saw Rosalie, Maddie and Brayden. Followed after Emmet was Jasper who ran quickly over to Alice. I stood there confused because Edward didn't come in right after Jasper like I planned.

He came in a moment later though with a smile on his face. I looked up and smiled at him, he set his bag down and ran over to me instantly wrapping his hands around my waist and turning me around. "I've missed you so much" he said after he gave me a kiss.

"I'm so glad your home" he set me down and then walked over to say hello to the kids. Then I saw him look over to Rob who had just walked in with out me realizing. I noticed Emmet and Jasper looked over at him too and they all nodded and they excused themselves walking back outside. We all stood there confused but a couple minutes later the boys all emerged with a bouquet of flowers for each of their wives.

"That's for cooking us an amazing dinner" Emmet said.

"But you haven't even seen it yet?" Rosalie stated.

"So, it was cooked by you guys, so we already know it is amazing"

"Aww" we all said at the same time and went in to give our husbands another kiss.

"This is amazing you guys, thank you so much" Jasper said as we ate our food.

"Yeah you have no idea how awesome this is after the European food" Edward said.

"We love Europe and we like their food but this tops it all" Emmet finished. We all thanked them and continued to talk and laugh over dinner as we sipped on wine, except for Alice of course. She had water, but Jasper thought nothing of it.

After everyone finished eating I stood up, "Alright is everyone ready for dessert?" The boys and kids all looked up and shook their heads violently with smiles on their face. "Ok, Rosalie,Alice can you help me?" they nodded their heads and we walked into the kitchen.

I could tell Alice was nervous when she got the cake out. "Alice, it's ok. He's going to be thrilled" I said to try and calm her nerves.

"I know, I'm just nervous that's all"

"Just go in there and get it over with" Rosalie said, "Just face it head on, it'll be so much easier"

"Thanks" I grabbed the cheesecake, Rosalie grabbed the Apple Pie and Alice carried the cake.

"Woah!" all three boys said when they saw all the desert coming out. I put the cheesecake down first and saw as their eyes grew wide, even wider when Rosalie set the apple pie down.

"And Alice has one more" I said looking up at her, "But it's only for Jasper" everyone looked confused. Rosalie and I nodded our head at Alice and then she walked over and set the cake in front of Jasper and then sat down.

All three of us girls just stared at him waiting for him to say something. It took him a minute while looking down at the cake. Like he was confused.

"Edward what does that say?" he asked. Edward leaned over to look and smiled.

"You can read Jas!" he said excitedly.

"Whats it say?" Esme asked.

"It says we're pregnant" Jasper said in disbelief. "Is this real?" Alice nodded her head and smiled. Jasper jumped up and hugged her.

"Oh my gosh!" Esme cried in excitement.

"How far are we? You?" Jasper asked.

"Six weeks"

"And your just telling me?"

"I was scared and didn't want to stress you out before you left to Europe. I found out the day before you left."

"You shouldn't have been scared and trust me, you couldn't have stressed me out. This is the best news I could have gotten" Jasper kissed her again and smiled.

"Did you hear that guys, your going to have another cousin" Jasper said to the kids sitting at the table. They all screamed in happiness causing us to laugh.

The rest of the evening was filled with the boys stories from Europe causing laughter from everyone at the table. At the end of the night the boys offered to clean up while us girls rested. We gladly accepted the offer.

"I can't believe Jasper and Alice are pregnant" Edward said later that night after we tucked the kids in bed and were getting ready to go to sleep for ourselves.

"I know, I'm so happy for them"

"I know me too" Edward had his arm around me and I had my head laying on his chest. "You know, the twins are two now. It's getting that time again" I looked up at him and he was smiling.

"Oh no, no more kids Ed. I'm all pushed out"

"Aw come on"

"Not right now, but" I sat myself up and smiled seductively at him. "We can do that thing that makes babies if we do it safely"

"OH well that's the fun part" Edward said sitting up and kissing me tensely. I laid down on the bed with Edward on top of me. He removed his shirt and then mine, followed by our pants and underwear.

"Condom" I said as Edward slipped on, "No more babies" Edward laughed and reached over to the nightstand to pull one out.

When he entered me we both let out a moan, "I've missed this" I said to him. "I've missed you"

"I'm here now" he said kissing me. "I love you"

"I love you too" I whispered as he continued to penetrate me. "So much"

* * *

**So let me know what you guys think :) Edward is finally home :)**


	4. NYC

"Mommy when are we getting to the hotel?" Ella whined from the seat in front of me. She has been asking the same question since we took off from Los Angeles. When are we getting to New York, when are we getting to the car, the hotel? Soon it will be 'when are we getting home?'.  
"I don't know. Rob?" Although she is only two years old she has made this trip many times. Sometimes we go every other month, depending.  
"Just a couple more minutes El" I watched Ella shake her head and go back to looking out the window. I think sometimes Rob is the only one who can give her couple word answers and she will be content.  
A couple minutes later we pulled up in front of our hotel and we watched from the insides as the fans went wild at the sight of three black SUV's pulling up. Inside my SUV held Rob, Edward, Ella, Aiden and me. The other one had Emmet,Rosalie, Madison, Braidon and Esme and the other had Jasper,Alice Carlise, Belle and Amia. We split up evenly because for one we couldn't all fit in one car and two it is easier to bring the kids into the hotel.  
After we got settled it was around one o'clock. "Edward can you make sure Aiden and Ella are ready to go" I asked him. He nodded his head and walked off towards the room the kids were staying in. I walked into the room Belle and Amia are staying in.  
"Are you guys all ready?" I asked the girls when I walked in the room. I noticed they were watching the Disney channel. Both girls looked up at me and nodded their heads before shutting off the television with the remote. "Awesome, lets get going so we aren't late"  
We left the room and met everyone else who was waiting in the hallway for us to head downstairs to the cars. We haven't told the kids where we are going yet. We just said we had "surprises planned". I told Belle that it would be a lot of work this trip and that is true for the guys at least. The rest of us will be off doing things all day.

*WHID*WHID*

After we stepped off the elevator and made it closer to the door we could see all the fans that were still waiting outside begin to screaming.

"Whose going out first?" Rob asked.  
"I vote the band" I said.  
"Oh geez thanks Bella" Sam said laughing.  
"Sorry" I said shrugging my shoulders. "You guys can just distract them long enough for us to get the kids into the car"  
The band nodded their heads, "For the kids, I guess"  
"Thank you" I smiled. The thing about going first is that it seems like causes the loudest screams. We also figured out that if there are other people out there it distracts the fans enough for us to get the kids to the car without too much hassle.  
"Here we go" Seth said before stepping forward, followed by the rest of the band. I watched as they stepped outside and the fans went crazy. They could see us standing on the other side of the door. Esme,Carlise followed suit followed by the boys and then lastly us girls with the kids.  
I held Ella in my arms and held on to Belle's hand while Alice carried Aiden and held Amia's hand. Belle and Amia know the routine, stay close and head straight for the car. The twins are still little so we just carry them. It's easier. We all hopped into our respective cars and waited for the boys to hop into the cars a couple minutes later.  
"Where are we going?" Belle asked when we were in the car close to our destination.  
"It's a surprise" I said and left it at that. She didn't ask again. About ten minutes later we arrived.  
"The Zoo!" Ella shouted in excitement when she saw the sign.  
"Yup! We're going to go see some animals!" I said as the car got parked. We all hopped out of our cars and met to group together before walking to the gates.  
"Hi" the perky girl in the kiosk said when our large group strolled up.  
"Hello" I heard Esme say.  
"How are you guys today?"  
"We are fantastic how about you?"  
"Good, thanks. How many?"  
"Um" Esme looked back to get a count. "Fourteen adults, four children and two under 3"  
"Is this all together?"

"Yes please"

"Alright that will be $150 please"  
"Ok" Esme slid the card to the girl. Afterwards everyone had to step up one by one to get bracelets on.  
"Enjoy your visit guys"  
"Thank you" we all smiled.  
We don't get to do too many things like this that often because the guys are always so busy and to do something as a group with the rest of the family _and_ the band is even rarer. Edward and I decided this would be a nice way to relax before the craziness of the album release tomorrow.  
"What's that Ella?" I said pointing to the animal.  
"Polar Bear!"  
"Very good!"  
"Hey guys, all stand together" Edward said calling out to all of us. Everyone walked over to be grouped together and Edward stood in front of us with his camera. He loves his camera, he documents everything. Sometimes it can be annoying but when we see the pictures it makes me love him and it so much more. "A little closer" We all moved a little closer together.  
Rob,Esme,Carlise and the band were standing in the back, Emmet,Rosalie, Alice,jasper,and I were in the middle and the kids were in the front. "Everyone say cheese on three" Edward put his camera to his face. "One- two - three"  
"Cheese" everyone yelled and smiled causing us to laugh.  
"Perfect" Edward said looking at his camera. He then looked around and spotted a worker. He waved the man over, "Can you take a picture of us?" The man nodded his head and Edward handed him the camera, explained how to use it and then joined the group next to me. We then saw the monkeys, which prompted Edward to take _more_ photographs of us, this time he also took a picture of just us and then us with the kids.  
A few fans came up and asked for pictures which the boys did and then around five it was time for us to leave the zoo and head to dinner at a local restaurant we eat at _every time_ we come to New York. After we were all done we headed back to the hotel and hung out till it was time to head to Time Square to get the first copy of the album.

*WHID*WHID*

At 11:30 we all got up and got ready to head out to the cars. The only kids coming with us were Belle and Madison. The rest were too tired and are sleeping and it has become a tradition that them two always come. It's just the boys, Rosalie,Alice and I along with Rob. We are only taking one car because with the amount of people that show up taking more then one car is just too crazy.

We slowly made our way through the overwhelming crowd of people that were waiting outside of the store to buy the album.  
"This never fails to amaze me" Jasper said as our car moved along inch by inch. We all nodded our heads in agreement.  
"There is so many people here" Edward said in amazement. Although it is like this almost every year, everyone still gets amazed.  
"And they are all to see you Daddy" Belle said.  
"Aw, thank you honey" Edward said and gave Belle a kiss on the forehead.  
"What about us?" Emmet asked jokingly.  
"You two Uncle Em and Jas. They love you too"  
"Thank you" they both said causing us to laugh.  
"Alright, we made it" Rob said when the car came to a complete stop. "You guys know the drill, in and out" The boys nodded their heads.  
"Have fun and be safe" I said to Edward giving him a kiss.  
"Yes, make sure you guys come back in one piece" Alice laughed giving Jasper a kiss.  
"Guys ready?" Rob asked. The boys nodded their head. Rob opened his door and scooted his way to the door to let the boys out. When the doors opened and they began stepping out the screams were ear piercing but they were almost blocked out when the door shut.  
About twenty minutes later I looked and saw the boys squeezing through the crowd to the car. The door opened where we saw Jasper who stood up and waved his CD before hopping in the car, Emmet and Edward did the same. "That was crazyyyy" Edward said "Fans were grabbing at us"  
"That is nothing new honey" I said to Edward laughing.  
"I know, they all want a piece of my sexy body" Edward said running his hands over himself.  
"Edward, your daughter and niece are in the car, be appropriate" Rosalie said laughing.  
"Yes mother" Edward said back to her.  
When we got back to the hotel it took everyone a little while to calm down but we soon all collapsed from tiredness and the dreadful thought of being up by 5 in the morning.  
The next morning after Edward disappeared to go do press runs I got up and ready and then woke up the rest of the kids. After we all got ready I brought Aiden to Esme's room, they will be spending the day together doing boy things along with Braidon and Carlise while us girls all go out to do "girl things".  
"Are we really going here?!" Belle asked excitedly when we pulled up to the American Girl Store. I nodded my head and smiled. "I've always wanted to come here!"  
"I know. I told you there were surprises planned"  
"Thank you so much mom" Belle said giving me a hug when we all got out of the car. Belle has wanted to go to this place for the longest time but we never got a chance because we were too busy or too tired to go. They have one in L.A but between everything we never got a chance to go. I talked to the rest of the girls and we all decided this would be a fun treat. All of the girls have their little dolls that look like them and we all discreetly took them and brought them to New York.  
"Hello girls" the lady greeted us at the door. We may have pulled some strings to get it so we could go in earlier before the rest of the public. I know it is wrong but trust me when I say we don't do it very often. We only have two hours before the doors open. They have an after hour party where you get the place to yourself but we paid a little extra and asked to have it before hours.  
"Hi" we all smiled.  
"My name is Mary, what are all your names?" she said leaning down towards all the girls.  
"Arabelle but you can call me Belle"  
"call me Ella"  
"I'm Madison or Maddie"  
"My name is Amia and you can call me Amia" Amia said causing us all to laugh. She is always the funny one.  
"You guys have very pretty names" she said to the girls then leaned stood up and looked at Rosalie,Alice and I. "Where did you think of them? They are beautiful"  
I shrugged my shoulders, "We liked the meaning and thought they sounded nice"  
"Well you did a good job"  
"Thank you"  
"What do we do first?" Madison asked eagerly looking at everything around her.  
"Well you can go to the hair salon first or you could go shopping if that is alright with your Mom's" Mary said looking up at us.  
We all nodded our heads, "You guys can do whatever and get whatever you want. This is your treat" I said. I saw their eyes all light up. "Do you want to go get the hair done first and then get pictures and then shop?" They all nodded their heads and we all got started.  
First we went to the hair salon and picked out hair styles which took almost an hour to complete.  
Afterward we walked over to the shop where they can pick out all kinds of clothes for their dolls. "What can we get Mom?" Belle asked.  
"You can get a few outfits of whatever you want" She smiled in excitement.  
"Aww that is so cute" I heard Alice say. I turned around to see Amia picking out a cheerleading outfit. "Bella come look at this"  
"That is cute" I said smiling. "Is that one of the things you want?" I asked her and she nodded her head.  
About an hour later they all picked out at least two outfits ranging from cheerleading outfits to cute casual clothes. "After the pictures are taken you guys can go back and look some more if you want. I saw little dogs and stuff there" The girls nodded their heads and we walked over to the photo booth. Around this time the public started to come in and we managed to get in and out of the photo booth quickly.  
A couple hours later we finished shopping and ate lunch and managed to pry the girls away from the store. The place cost a hefty penny but seeing the look on all of their faces was definitely worth it.  
Later that night when Edward and I were laying in bed with the light on I turned to him. "Thank you" I said to him and gave him a kiss.  
"For what?" he asked confused.  
"For being amazing and for everything you have done. Without you I may never have been able to bring the girls here and I probably would never have the life I am able to have. If you could have seen the girls faces today" I turned to look at Edward straight on. "It was incredible, I don't think I have ever seen them so happy in a while"  
Edward smiled at me, "Well thank you for letting me give you this life. I love you" he gave me a kiss and I smiled back at him.  
"I love you too. Night"  
"Night" We turned out the lights and went to sleep.

* * *

**Anyway, this chapter is kind of lame and long and whatever and the American Girl doll place.. yeah I googled Things to Do in NYC. It sounded cool, so I was like whatever I'll put that in there. Anyway. Let me know what you think :) **


	5. Old Friend

"Say bye to Dad, Uncle Emmet and Jasper guys" I said waving to the guys. We were all standing outside as the boys prepared to head off on their tour for six months. That's right, they will be gone for six months touring the world while I am in Los Angeles with the kids. This is the first tour the guys have gone on in almost two year and because of this it is so long.

Belle ran up to Edward first and he leaned over to give her a hug. I watched as tears fell from Belle's eyes as she clung to Edward. Her and Amia are really the only two that understand he will be gone for a long time, Ella and Aiden know he is leaving but don't fully understand yet.

"I'm going to miss you Dad" Belle said as he rested her head in his shoulder. I swear I can see tears in Edward's eyes too.

"I'm going to miss you too, but you guys are going to see us next month okay?" Edward said as he looked Belle in the eye. Belle nodded her head and kissed him on the cheek one last time before stepping back so Amia could say her goodbyes.

The goodbyes were long and heartfelt with the kids and finally it came time for us to say goodbye. Edward wrapped his arms around me and I put my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. "I'll miss you" he whispered to me.

"I'll miss you too, we all will"

"I know, the time will fly by though"

"I hope so" I pulled away from Edward and wiped away the few stray tears that were floating down my cheek.

"Don't cry"

"I'm sorry, its just that your going to miss so much"

"I know but I"

I cut Edward off, "I know, you have to do this" Edward nodded his head. "Have fun and be safe. I love you"

"I will. I love you too" We gave each other one last kiss before breaking apart. I stepped back to where the kids were standing with everyone else who just said goodbye and we all waved to them as the bus pulled away.

I looked down to see all the kids wiping their eyes. I looked at Alice and she had tears in her eyes, poor girl is pregnant and Jasper isn't even here. "Come on guys, don't cry. Let's go inside" I walked into the house with the group following me.

*WHID*WHID*

The days after Edward left were more difficult then usual, trying to get back into the routine of not having him around. My days got even more packed between getting the girls to school and working and trying to cook dinner and cleaning the house day after day.

Today I am going out to eat with an old friend of mine that just moved to Los Angeles. We used to hang out when we were both in college but sort of lost contact when I moved out here.

"So what brings you out to good ol' L.A?" I asked James as we sat at the café out doors.

"I am here for an architecture job, my company sent me here to build some massive building"

"Wow, so you got a job?"

"Yeah, got hired right out of college"

"That's awesome"

"Yeah it is a dream come true. What about you? What have you been up to?"

"Well I've lived here for about five years and I'm married with kids now"

He nodded his head, "How many do you have now?"

"Four, Three girls and one boy, the youngest girl and boy are twins"

"I know you had Arabelle, she must be pretty old now right?"

"She's seven"

"Wow, time flies" I nodded my head. "What about the others?"

"Well Arabelle is seven, then there is Amia who is four and then the twins Abriella and Aiden who are two"

"Sounds like you've been busy" I laughed at his statement and nodded my head.

"Yeah, well I never thought I would be this young with four kids and it's crazy but I like it, I love it. I love my life. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world"

"That's good. You're an event planner still right?"

"Yup, own business"

"How are you doing?"

"Really good. I just booked another huge party today"

James nodded his head, "And Edward? How is he doing?"

"He's doing good, he left last week for the tour"

"Oh, that sucks. How long will he be gone?"

"About six months"

"Wow" I nodded my head.

"Yeah, but what can ya do right? He is doing what he loves, I'm doing what I love"

"Your amazing for letting him go jet setting around the world while you stay at home with the kids. I don't know many that would do that"

"It's part of his job, it _is_ his job. He has the world counting on him, I could never hold him back for my own selfish reasons. If he ever wants to stop touring then it's up to him. I don't want to every make that decision for him- besides, without him I would have none of this" I said moving my hands around the air.

"Well I always knew you'd make it far Bella whether you did it on your own or not" James smiled at me with his thousand watt smile and blue eyes, "You deserve everything you have. Every bit of happiness and your beautiful family"

"Thank you, you deserve all you have too"

"Thanks"

"Speaking of families, do you?"

James shook his head, "No, no I'm single. I just got out of a four year relationship though about seven or eight months ago"

"Really?" James nodded his head. "I'm sorry it didn't work out"

"Oh, don't be. We were just at different points in our life. She wanted kids and marriage and I'm just getting on my feet in this business and then I get asked to come to California"

"Maybe it's for the best"

"Yeah, definitely. We're still friends, there wasn't a bad break up or anything. We both knew it was coming so it made it a little easier then it could have been"

"That's good"

James nodded his head and took a sip of his coffee, "I still can't believe your married and had four kids. You look fantastic for having that many"

I laughed, "Thanks, it's been a long road"

"I probably shouldn't bring this up but a couple years ago I think I remember reading somewhere that you were in a car accident and were in pretty bad shape? Are you alright now?"

I cringed as the thoughts of my accident appeared in my head. It is something I don't ever like to think about. The fact that I was unconscious for two weeks and nearly missed my daughters birthday. "Is something wrong? I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything" James said upon seeing my face.

"No, no" I waved him off. "It's fine, it just- I haven't thought about the accident in a while. I was um" I paused while I relived the moments I could remember in my head. "I was in a coma for two weeks and I woke up on Belle's birthday only to find that I had another daughter that Edward had named Amia"

"Wow, that's intense"

"Yeah but it all worked out. I'm totally fine now, no permanent damage done to me or Belle who was also in the car. Amia is completely fine and everything as well"

"I'm glad to hear that. I was scared when I heard about the accident. I wanted to call but your number got changed I guess because I called and got some older woman on the phone that I knew couldn't be you because it hadn't been _that_ long and for some reason it never occurred to me to write an e-mail"

I laughed, "Yeah, sorry about that. I had to change my number when I moved out here"

"That's fine"

I looked at my watch and saw that it was getting late. "it's getting late. I should probably get going"

"Yeah, yeah me too" The waiter brought over the check and I started to pick it up but James stopped me. "My treat"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, definitely"

"Alright, thank you very much"

We got up and began walking to where we were parked. When we reached our separate cars we stopped to say goodbye. "Since you bought lunch, what do you say you come over tomorrow night and meet the kids? We're going to have hamburgers and hot dogs"

"That sounds good"

"Great, just call me and I will give you directions"

"Sounds great"

"Alright, awesome. See you then" We both stepped forward and gave each other a quick hug before breaking apart.

"It was nice to see you" he called out.

"Yeah you too!" I called back as I got in my car. "See you tomorrow!"

* * *

**Let me know what you thought of this chapter and of James. dun dun dun**


	6. Backyard BBQ

I was in the process of making some macaroni salad when my cell phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID which read 'Edward'. I hit the green button and began talking.

"Hey"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Making some macaroni salad. What about you?"

"Waiting to go to sound check"

"Where are you again?"

"Wichita"

"Oh, right"

"So what are you doing tonight?"

"James is coming over for a BBQ, remember? I told you about it last night"

"Oh, yeah I guess I forgot. I'm sorry"

"No, its okay I know your busy and things slip your mind" A silence fell between us for a short moment, "Your okay with him coming over right?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be? He's a cool guy"

"I don't know I was just asking"

"Oh, who else is coming?"

"Rosalie and the kids and Alice and people from work"

"Oh alright, well I have to go to sound check and you sound busy so I will let you go"

"Alright, call me after the show"

"Ok, I'll talk to you then"

"Break a leg"

Edward laughed, "Thanks, I love you"

"Love you too, have fun"

"You too, bye"

"Bye" I hung up the phone and set it on the counter and then went back to making my macaroni salad. I looked at the clock, everyone will be here in less then two hours and I still have so much to do.

"Were you talking to Dad?" I turned to see Belle standing next to me.

"Yeah"

"Where is he tonight?

"Wichita, Kansas" Belle nodded her head telling me she understood where Kansas.

"Where are the little tack things?"

"They are up there, I'll get them" I wiped my hands on a dish towel and walked over to one of the shelves in the living room and grabbed the tacks out of the dish. "Amia, Ella and Aiden can you come here please" I yelled through the house.

A couple minutes later they all stood in front of me. "Belle is putting in the tack for Daddy tonight. He is in Wichita, Kansas"

Before Edward left for Europe and the tour we got a large world map and put it on our wall in the living room. Each day when Edward calls he tells us where we are and the kids take turns putting a tack in for that place. It helps them sort of track him and so they get a sense of where he is.

"Ok Belle, go put the tack in. Do you know where it is?" She walked up to the map and began looking at Kansas on the map straight off. Belle is a really smart girl and knows all the states and a lot of countries. I think the fact that she travels a lot helps.

"Right here?" I looked to where she was pointing and nodded my head. She then pushed the tack in.

"Awesome. Now I have to go back to the kitchen to finish the salad. You guys can go play now"

About an hour later the doorbell rang and I walked to answer it. I opened it and saw James standing on the other side holding a pie.

"Hey" I smiled at him and gave him a quick hug.

"Hey, I brought this for you. It's an apple pie"

"Thanks, it looks delicious. Did you make it?"

He laughed, "No, Betty Crocker did"

"Ohh" I said laughing. "Come in and meet the kids" He walked in the house and I went into the kitchen to set the pie down. "They are in the backyard" I said waving my hand for him to follow me.

"You have a really nice house" he said looking around.

"Thanks, to say it is my dream house would be an understatement. I wake up every morning and still can't believe I live here"

"Edward treats you well"

"He definitely does" I smiled thinking about my husband who in only an hour or two would be performing in front of thousands of screaming fans.

"Hey guys can you come here a second?" All the kids ran over to where James and I were standing. "This is James" I said pointing to him, he waved. "And James this is Arabelle who is seven" He shook her hand. "And this is Amia, she is four" he kneeled down to her level and gave her a high five.

"And these are the twins, Abriella and Aiden. They are two" He gave them each a high five too.

"It's nice to meet you guys" He smiled.

"Nice to meet you too" they all said back.

"You guys can go play again if you want. Everyone else will be here shortly" they all ran off to their playground.

"They seem like great kids, beautiful"

"Thanks"

"Definitely got their good looks from their mother" he smiled at me.

"Oh, well thank you" I laughed awkwardly.

"Beautiful back yard too. Did you design it?"

"Most of it came with the house like this but Edward and I changed some things around and added some stuff when we moved it"

"Well whoever worked on it did a fantastic job"

"Thanks, would you like a tour of the house?"

"Absolutely" I brought James into the house and gave him the 'grand tour' of the house.

"I'm glad to see you are doing well for yourself" he said at the end of the tour when we were standing back in the kitchen.

"Yeah but none of this would have happened without Edward"

"You don't know that"

"No, I don't think it would have. I wouldn't have moved here. I'd probably still live in Forks"

"Oh" he said nodding his head like he understood.

Everyone showed up on time and we were all in the back yard talking and hanging out while I cooked burgers and hotdogs on the grill and the kids played in the backyard.

"So James, what are you in L.A for?" Alice asked him.

"I'm an architect and I am working on a job"

"How long will you be here for?"

"I'm not really sure it all depends on how everything works out. It could be a couple months or it could be a couple years"

"How are you like it here so far?"

"I love it. At first I was a little nervous about coming out here but then I remembered that Bella had moved out here and so I'm glad that we've been able to hang out. It's nice to know someone you know?"

"Yeah definitely"

"Now I know Rosalie is married to Emmet but how do you know Bella?" James asked Alice.

"I'm married to Jasper"

"Oh, wow. I didn't realize they were all married Bella, you never told me that"

"Sorry, I guess it just slipped my mind" James nodded his head. "Food is done! Everyone come get it!" I yelled. All the kids stopped playing and ran over to the table to grab a plate and the adults lined up after them.

Everyone grabbed their food and then we all sat at multiple tables that were all pushed together.

"These burgers are amazing Bella"

"Thanks James" My eyes met Rosalie's and she gave me an odd look. A look that says '_what is going on with you two?_'. I shook my head and continued to eat my hamburger.

We spent the rest of the evening eating and talking. Everyone got to know James and James got to know everyone. All of the kids seemed to like him, especially when he went swimming in the pool with them and would throw them off his back.

Everyone left around ten that night when the kids all got completely exhausted from the long day.

"Thanks for inviting me. I had a lot of fun" James said when he was leaving.

"No problem. We'll have to hang out again, I had a lot of fun too"

"Yeah, I'll give you a call tomorrow?"

"Sounds good. I'll talk to you later oh and thanks for the pie!"

"No problem" he laughed. "Bye" he waved as he walked down the driveway to his car.

"See you later" I said waving back.

* * *

**So like no one is reading and reviewing this story? Not as many as I'd hope at least. Anyway, let me know what you think... :)**


	7. Travel

Over the next few weeks, I hung out with James almost everyday when I wasn't working or busy. We went out to lunch and he would sometimes come over for dinner with me and the kids. There is just something about him that gives me comfort. He connects me to Forks and he is there to talk to when I need him. I don't know how to describe it, it's not that he replaces Edward because that is impossible but he helps fill that gap I feel when Edward is gone.

Each day I wake up and start my day and wait for the phone call from Edward to give me his location and tell me his stories. Before James and I started hanging out I didn't have much to distract me from thinking about what Edward could be doing. I don't know how many times I've had nightmares that Edward goes off and falls in love with someone else and leaves me. Since James, I don't have those nightmares, he's the Edward I can't have when Edward is gone. If that even makes any sense.

As the tacks on the map slowly begin filling in with each day that drags by, the day has finally come for the kids and I to fly out to see Edward for a couple days. We leave tonight for Georgia. First though, I'm going out to lunch with James.

"Hey" I said to him as he sat down at the table I was already seated at.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good. Tired but good" he nodded his head, "And yourself?"

"Same, tired but good" I looked at him, his eyes were drooping which told me he wasn't lying. "Really good now that I'm here at lunch" I smiled at him and shook my head.

"What time do you guys leave tonight?" he asked me.

"Our plane leaves at 5, we have to be to the airport at 3:30"

"Did you guys need a ride?"

"I was just going to drive my car and leave it there"

"I can take you guys if you'd like"

"Really?" he nodded his head. "That'd be really nice, thank you"

"Anything for you, my friend"

"You are too nice for your own good" I said chuckling and shaking my head. Just then the waitress came over to take our order. "I'll have the BLT please, thanks" the waitress nodded her head and looked at James.

"I'll have the turkey wrap please, thank you"

"Did you see how she looked at you?" I said to James with a smile on my face. "She was totally checking you out"

"She was just taking my order"

"Since when does taking your order entail looking you over from head to toe? At least the part she can see"

"Not interested, sorry"

"Oh come on, she is totally cute. She could be your dream girl, your future wife"

"Nah, she isn't"

"How do you know?"

"Because I already know my dream girl and she" he looked around to see if the waitress was around "is not it"

"Oh yeah? And who is your 'dream girl' then mister?"

"I can't tell you. I need some kind of secret to myself"

"Come on, we are like best friends! We're supposed to tell each other secrets"

"Fine, you tell me a secret, then I'll tell you"

"Ugh! Are you trying to bargain a deal Mr. Merrit?"

"I think I am"

"Fine, but only if you will definitely tell me your dream girl after wards"

"Deal"

"Pinky swear" I said putting my hand over the table for him to wrap his pinky around mine. I smiled at him and laughed at our childish act.

"Ok soo, a secret about me" I thought for a second "How about, Edward and I got married in the Bahamas secretly and I got pregnant with Amia the night of the wedding?" He shook his head and laughed. "What?"

"That doesn't count. Everyone knows that, well maybe not that you got pregnant that night but everyone knows you guys got secretly married" he laughed.

"Ok fine, you want a secret that no one else knows besides me? And maybe Edward, actually he might not even know"

"Yeah" he nodded his head and leaned closer.

"I have my period right now!" I said joyfully. I looked at the expression on his face which looked like a mixture of horrified, disgusted and embarrassment. I saw him look around to see if anyone heard my confession.

"You are disgusting"

"Hey! You wanted a secret that _no one_ else knows and no one else knows. Except for you now!"

"Yeah, well when I said secret I didn't mean a secret about your bodily functions. Really now I can't even think about anything other then that"

"Please stop thinking about blood coming out of my vagina" He leaned back horrified and covered his ears.

"Ahh, stop it! Your so gross" I laughed at his outburst which caused people to look at us. "Look now your drawing attention to us"

"Actually, I think it was YOUR sudden outburst that they are looking at"

James eased up a bit and when he was just sitting there I spoke up, "So tell me about your dream girl"

"Oh no, no way"

"Hey! We made a deal! Secret for a secret!"

"Yeah except you telling me you have your period is NOT a secret, at least not one that I was looking for"

"At least you know I'm not pregnant!"

"That's good to know"

"Now tell me allll about your dream girl, I must know"

"Fine. She has two ears, a mouth, a no-" I cut him off and raised my eyebrows at him. "Fine, she has brown hair with two ears, a mouth, a nose and two eyes and she is average height and skinny. She has an amazing sense of humor, an amazing sense of style. She is very caring and very passionate about everything she does. She is" he paused for a second, "She's perfect" he smiled as he finished his description.

"Awww, that is so cute." I gushed. "Adorable"

"Yeah, yeah, eat your food" he said looking at me and smiling. I smiled back at him and began eating my BLT while he enjoyed his turkey wrap.

After we finished eating we both got up and began walking to our cars, "So I'll pick you guys up at 2:30?"

"Sounds good, See you then!" I waved bye to him and then walked to my car.

*WHID*WHID*

"Come on girls! We have to get going, James will be picking us up any minute now to go to the airport! I shouted up the stairs. I already had Ella and Aiden with me, we were just now waiting on Belle and Amia.

We waited for a couple more minutes and Amia slowly came down the stairs dragging her little bag she takes with her wherever she goes. "Where is your sister?"

"Upstairs" I scoffed.

"Arabelle Grace Cullen if you do not get down here this instant then we are leaving you here!" I shouted up the stairs. Just then Arabelle came running around the corner and appeared at the top of the stairs.

"You used my full name" she said as she walked down the stairs with her suitcase in tow. I nodded my head at her and just as she stepped off the last step the door bell began ringing.

"Hey" I said to James when I opened the door. "We're going to be late if we don't leave now"

"Here, let me take those" he said grabbing the bags for the twins.

"Thanks" he nodded his head. "Come on guys, lets go"

After I locked the door we all got settled in the car and drove to the airport, with traffic we got to the airport just after 3:30. James helped us get the stuff off the car and after everyone gave him a quick hug goodbye we headed into the airport to check in and go through security.

Four hours and a half hours later we landed in Atlanta at almost one in the morning. "Yo Bella" I heard Rob say when we all came down the escalator. The kids all ran up to him to give him a hug.

"Hey Rob" I said giving him a hug.

"How was the flight?"

"Long and tiring"

"It wasn't even five hours"

"I know but when you have four kids and they have to sit still for five hours it is like ten hours"

"True that"

"Are the guys back at the hotel?"

"Yeah, they all went to sleep. They have to get up early tomorrow to do radio interviews and stuff"

"Oh" I said a little bummed out. I assumed Edward would wait up for us to get there, but I guess I should know that he has a busy day tomorrow.

We all got into the car after getting our luggage and the trip to the hotel seemed long. My eyes were on the verge of closing from exhaustion. Finally about thirty minutes later we arrived at our hotel and made our way up to the floor everyone was staying on.

"Here is your key, Three bedrooms"

"Thanks" I said to Rob as he handed me the key, "And thanks for picking us up"

"No problem!" he called as he walked down the hall to his room. "Good night"

"Night"

I unlocked the door and walked into the suite. Once I got the kids settled into their room, Belle and Amia in one room and the twins in another I walked into the room I assumed to be the one Edward and I were staying. I saw him sound asleep and smiled to myself. This was not how I planned this seeing each other for the first time in a month thing, but at least I'm here now. I quickly changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed.

"Bella?" I heard Edward mumble when I cuddled up next to him.

"mmhmm"

Edward mumbled something that sounded like "I'm so glad you're here"

"Me too" I said back and then let my head drift off into my dreams as it lay softly on the pillow.


	8. oh my

When I woke up the next morning the spot next to me was empty. I leaned up to look to see if he was in the bathroom but the door was open and the light was off. I fell back onto my pillow and let out a frustrated sigh. A couple minutes later I decided to get out of bed and walked out into the living area.

I saw a note lying on the counter and when I walked up to it I realized it was written in Edward's messy handwriting.

_Bella,  
Had to get up and do some interviews. Didn't want to wake you up, you looked to peaceful. I will see you and the kids at the venue. An SUV will pick you guys up around 1. Love you guys so much - Edward_

I put the note back on the table and looked at the clock. "Ten o'clock" I said to myself. Three hours till we head over to the arena. What to do, what to do?

"Mom?" I heard a little voice call behind me. I turned around to see Aiden standing there with Ella and they were both holding their blankets.

"Yeah guys?"

"Dad?" he asked with his innocent big brown eyes.

"I'm sorry bub, he's not here right now" I saw both of their faces fall. Aiden is definitely a daddy's boy and Ella a daddy's girl. All the kids have been looking forward to seeing him but I think it is them too that has been the most excited.

"Dad's not here?" Belle said when she walked out of her room with Amia in tow.

I shook my head, "No, he was gone when I woke up. He had interviews to do but he said an SUV will be here to pick us up at 1 to go to the venue"

"Oh"

"I'm sorry guys, I know you were looking forward to seeing him first thing this morning"

"We've only been waiting a month, what's a few more hours?" Belle said looking upset.

"What do you guys want to eat? I'll buy room service"

"Bagel" Belle said before walking to the couch and turning on the television.

"You only want a bagel?"

"Yeah, I'll just eat later at the venue"

"Ok, what about you guys?"

"Waffles!" Amia said. I nodded my head and looked at the twins.

"Do you guys want waffles too?" The both nodded their heads.

"With strawberries on top?" All three nodded their heads.

"Alright, I'll go order it"

When the food arrived we all sat down at the table and began eating. "Are we going to get to see Dad for more then five minutes today?" Belle asked.

"Well we are leaving for the venue in a couple hours and he should be there when we get there and the concert doesn't start till 7, but they shouldn't be going on till about 8 so we have lots of time"

"Are we going to be backstage for the whole concert?"

"I don't know. We can probably stand at the sound stage so we can watch it"

"Good, as long as we can see him" I smiled at her words, she is always the thoughtful one.

*WHID*WHID*

"Hello?" I said answering my cell phone.

"Hey, I'm waiting downstairs for you guys"

"Ok, be down in a sec" I said to Rob and hung up the phone. "Come on guys, time to go!" I called to the kids. They all came out of their rooms and then we headed downstairs to where Rob was waiting.

Outside there was a crowd of fans that screamed in delight when we walked out the doors, probably hoping it meant the boys would be coming out next. We all made our way quickly to the car and once we were inside we began the ten minute drive to the venue.

When the SUV pulled up to the back of the venue we could see fans that were already waiting outside in front of the building. As soon as the car stopped Belle had already unbuckled her seat belt and Amia's and was getting ready to jump out of the car.

"Girls wait for me" I said as I unbuckled the twins from their car seats and helped them out. "Alright now we can go in" I said when we were all standing outside of the car.

Rob led us through the backstage door and led us to the boys dressing room. When I opened the door we expected to be greeted by the boys but instead other then some clothes and couches the room was empty.

"Where are they?" Belle asked annoyed.

"They must be out on the stage" Rob said.

"Lets put our stuff down in the room and then we will go out to the stage" After we set our stuff in the room we all walked out to the stage. When we walked onto the stage the first person we saw was Seth.

"Seth!" all the kids yelled and ran up to him. He turned around and smiled.

"Hey!" he kneeled down to give them all hugs.

"Bella!" I heard a voice yell and instantly I knew who it was. It was Edward's voice. I turned around and saw him walking over to me.

"Dadddy!" All the kids yelled when they saw Edward walking over to me. They all ran over and tackled him causing me to laugh.

After he gave them all a hug and a kiss he stood up and walked up to me. "I've missed you" he said as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

"I've missed you too" I said as he leaned down and kissed me. "I've missed _that_ too"

"Hey Bella" Jasper said as he gave me a hug after I'd pulled away from Edward. "It's good to see you"

"Yeah you too"

"So are you guys excited for the show tonight?" Emmet asked the kids and me.

"Yeah!" they all yelled in unison.

"Do we get to sit at the soundboard?" Belle asked.

"If that is where you guys want to be" All the kids nodded their head, "Then that is where you guys will be"

We spent the rest of the day leading up to the concert watching the guys do sound check and just hanging out and catching up. We all played a game of wiffle ball and before long it was time for us to say goodbye to head to the sound board to watch the boys.

"Give Daddy a kiss for good luck guys" One by one starting with Belle the kids gave Edward a kiss and hug and said 'good luck'.

"Break a leg" I said to Edward as I hugged him. I always say that to him before a show.

"Thanks" he gave me a kiss and then we separated. "I love you"

"I love you too" We waved bye to him and then headed to the sound board.

About half way in the concert a couple stools came out to the stage and Edward began talking. "Tonight, is going to be a little different. We have some very special guests in the crowd tonight and so we're going to play a couple different songs for you guys" The crowd screamed. "You know who you are" he said into the microphone before taking his seat on a stool between Jasper and Emmet.

"_Summer day, Has come and gone away, In Paris and Rome, But I wanna go home  
Hmmm…, May be surrounded by, A million people I, Still feel all alone, I just wanna go home, Oh, I miss you, you know_" Edward sang into the mircophone. He is singing Home by Michael Buble, one of my favorite 'long distance' type of songs.

"_Let me go home, Cause I'm just too far from where you are, I wanna come home, And I feel just like, I'm living someone else's life, It's like I just stepped outside, When everything was going right, And I know just why, You could not come along with me, Cause this was not your dream, But you always believed in me_" I could feel the tears in my eyes as I watched Edward sing. I looked up at the big screen and saw that it was showing me and the kids. I wiped my tears away as I smiled.

"_Me go home, I've had my run, Baby, I'm done, I gotta go home, Let me go home  
'Cause It'll be all right, And I'll be home tonight, I'm coming back home._" When Edward finished the song everyone screamed and clapped.

"Thank you, thank you! This next song is an oldie but it's a goodie!" Edward said and then the music to 'PayPhone' began playing. This is the kids favorite song. When they realized what was being played they all began dancing.

"I love you guys" Edward said when the sing finished. Everyone 'awed' and clapped and screamed and I just smiled at him. I'm sure he couldn't see us, but I was still smiling none the less.

"That was incredible" I said to the guys after the concert was over. I gave Edward a big kiss on the lips. "And that song, I love you"

"I'm glad you liked it"

"I loved it just like I love you" Edward gave me another kiss and in that moment everything felt so right. Everything felt so perfect, the month I've been waiting for this was absolutely worth it. There is nothing like reconnecting with the one you love.

"I love you" he said into my ear. "I love you more than I could ever put into words"

"Those are all the words I need to hear" I said back to him.

* * *

**Like I said in the story that song is Home by Michael Buble**

**And like usual, let me know what you thought of the chapter :) **


	9. Old habit

_For the past few weeks Bella Cullen, wife of Edward Cullen, has been spotted around L.A numerous times with a young man who has now been identified as Seattle based architect James Miester. The two have been photographed out at lunch and embracing each other. This is causing reports of relationship problems between Edward and Bella however Bella and the kids reportedly flew to Georgia for one of Edward's concerts. At the concert Edward sang 'Home' and 'PayPhone' and dedicated it to Bella and their children. No comment has been given from either Edward or Bella._

"What the hell is this?" I said as I looked at the computer. "What the?" I repeated to no one. Just out loud as I sit in my office at work.

I have to say I'm not entirely surprised that this is on the tabloids, however I figured that since it's been well over a month that we've been hanging out and nothing else has come of it that no one cared. Why all this time later is it on the front page of gossip sites? Slow news day?

Are a girl and a guy not allowed to be friends? Is that completely impossible in this world? Oh, wait this is Hollywood. If your seen with someone your automatically dating them and probably either have a baby on the way or about to have one on the way. They were just trying to start rumors. James and I are friends.

I decided to just brush it off and I went about doing the usual things for the rest of the day and managed to completely forget about what the gossip sites are saying. That is until I was watching television and my phone started ringing that ever so familiar tone, 'Home' signaling it was Edward calling. The kids are staying over at Emmet and Rosalie's tonight so I have the house to myself.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Hey"

"What's up?"

"Backstage at the venue"

"Oh, where are you guys at?" I probably sound like a bad wife, but I'm not. I just have a hard time remembered what city he is in every single day. I have a list somewhere…

"Boston"

"Awesome, sold out show?"

"Yeah" I could tell by the tone in Edward's voice that something was wrong. When you've known someone for as long as we have known each other you pick up on all their little habits.

"What's wrong?"

Edward let out a long breath of air on the other end of the telephone. "It's about James"

Panic set in. Did something happen to him? Is he alright? "What happened?"

"Nothing happened, nothing happened to him anyway. This is about you and him"

"What? What are you talking about?" Edward let out another sigh.

"I've seen the pictures and I've read the articles Bella. I know you've been out with him almost everyday since I've been gone"

Did he really just say that? "Edward, I've told you when I hang out with him"

"No you don't. You told me when you first went out with him, you told me he came to the house for a BBQ and you've told me a couple other times when you've hung out with him."

"Well -"

"No, let me finish" Edward said cutting me off. "I'm not a controlling husband, but it seems like you've been sneaking behind my back Bella. While I'm out on tour, your out with another guy"

I don't even know what to say. Is Edward accusing me of cheating?

"Are you saying what I think your saying? Are you accusing me of cheating?"

"I- I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just speaking my thoughts"

"And what exactly are your thoughts?"

"That your spending too much time with him and your not telling me when you are"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had to inform you every time I hang out with a friend?"

"Not just any friend Bella, James"

I guess I should explain something. A long time ago, as in very long time ago when I was 18, James and I slept together a few times. It never amounted to anything and Edward never said anything about it. Him and James got along just fine and it's been a long time since then. I thought he wouldn't care. There were never any feelings between James and I. We just had sex to have sex, we never 'made love'. It was strictly platonic. Although, I do think he is attractive. Think Rob Pattinson.

"Edward, that was eight years ago and you know it never meant anything"

"I know, that's what you say anyway. But how do you know he doesn't like you?"

"Because he knows that I'm married. He isn't like that"

"Look, I have to go to lockdown but all I'm asking is to think of the kids"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't ruin what we have because of temptation"

"You know what Edward? Your being ridiculous. I'm not allowed to have guy friends now? I'm not allowed to have friends while your off traveling the world and I'm stuck at home? Fuck you Edward. Seriously, just fuck you"

"Bella"

"No Edward. I don't want to talk to you." I lifted the phone from my ear and pushed the red button. I didn't say bye, I didn't tell him I loved him. I just hung up the phone.

What am I supposed to do now?

The only thing there is to do. I went into the kitchen and reached in the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka. I then grabbed my cell phone and dialed the number I've become so familiar with these past few weeks.

You know what they say.

Old habits die hard.

* * *

**So this chapter is REALLY REALLY short but the point of it was to shift the entire story and the feeling behind it and I was able to do that in less than 1,000 words... I didn't want to add more because I wanted it to be simple. Let me know what you think :) And tell me what you think will happen :) or what you think should happen :)**

**ps. Thank you for all review ;)**


	10. Mistakes

"Hello?" the voice said on the other end of the phone.

"James…"

"Bella?" his voice said confused. "What's wrong?"

"Can you come over?"

"What's going on?"

"Just, just please come over"

"Ok, ok I'll be there shortly" I hung up the phone and then went into the cupboards to get a cup out.

"Eh" I said as I looked in the refrigerator. "This will have to do I guess" I said as I grabbed the coke out of the fridge. I poured a little coke in the cup and then filled most of the remainder with vodka. I'm not messing around tonight. Like I said, old habits die hard.

When I took the first sip of my drink I could feel it go through my veins. "Ahhh" I said in bliss. It feels so good, the alcohol going through my veins. It felt so good that I kept drinking and when the glass was more than half way gone twenty minutes later the doorbell rang, I was starting to feel good. Tipsy

"You're here!" I said to James and leaped on him to give him a hug.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked me worried.

"What would give you that idea?"

"Hmm let me think" he said sarcastically. "The fact that you have a cup in your hand, your acting like this and the fact that I've seen you drunk plenty times"

"Whatever" I said shrugging him off. "I've only had half a cup. Not even tipsy yet"

"Yeah, okay"

"Let me get you some" I said as I walked into the kitchen. I poured James a cup and handed it to him.

"So what is the occasion?"

"Edward is accusing me of cheating"

"What?" James asked with his eyes wide.

"Mmmhmm. It was all over the gossip sites today. You're my lover apparently"

"What?"

"Can you say something other than what?"

"I'm just in shock"

"Whatever, fuck them. I didn't call you here to chit chat about my dick ass husband"

"Then why did you call me here?"

"I'll tell you in a little bit. I need more drink"

"Shouldn't you slow down?"

"I'm drinking away my problems"

"Bella" James said to me with concerned eyes. He likes to drink, but he was always one of the ones that would tell me when I'd go over board.

"James" I said mocking him. He stepped aside and I mixed my drink the same as the last one. I then went to the couch and turned on the television to watch some stupid show on Nickelodeon.

I decided to stand up about a half hour later, after an episode of Spongebob was finished and my drink had run out. "Woah" I said when I stood up.

"Are you ok?"

"It worked" I said.

"Your not getting anymore right now" James said to me.

"Your right. I need to tell you why I brought you here"

"Ok" I sat back down next to him. "What is it?"

"Close your yes"

"Why?"

"Do it" I demanded. He closed his eyes and without even thinking about it I leaned over and kissed him. He didn't push away, he kissed me back.

Although, a minute into the kiss he pushed me back. "What was that Bella?"

"I kissed you"

"No shit, but why?"

"I'm accused of cheating. Might as well do it"

"Bella are you out of your mind? You have a husband who loves you and four wonderful kids!"

"James, you know you like me" I said confused.

James stood up and I watched as he ran his hand through his hair like he was deep in thought. "Yeah, maybe I do but I'm not stupid enough to see what you and Edward have Bella. You have something incredible. Why ruin that by kissing me?"

"Because I'm hurt. That he'd accuse me of that"

"So you decide to act on it? To make his accusations true?"

I don't know what it was but suddenly tears fell down my eye. "I'm such a slut. I'm such a fucking slut" I sobbed into my hand. James rushed over and sat down next to me, rubbing his hand on my back.

"Shh" he whispered.

"I cheated on my husband"

"Shhh, it's alright"

I stood up. "No, its not alright! I'm such a slut. Your right James. I don't deserve him and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve ANY of this!" I shouted. Sometimes when I drink I get emotional, like tonight.

"Bella"

"I thought this would help. Drinking away the problems like old times, kissing you. I thought it'd make me feel better like old times. But I'm so fucking stupid"

"Your just confused"

"Confused?"

"I just cheated on my HUSBAND!"

"Look, why don't I get you to bed and you sleep this off. We can start over tomorrow and act like none of this happened"

I nodded my head and James led me up the stairs to my bedroom. As we walked up the stairs it seemed like the alcohol was hitting me more and more. "I think I'm going to puke" I said. On those words, James picked me up and rushed me into the bathroom. I got some in the toilet and some on me.

"Seriously?" he said.

"Where are your pajamas?" he asked me after I finished puking and brushed my teeth and waddled back into my bedroom. I weakly pointed to a pile sitting in a chair that consisted of my booty shorts and tank top. "Here" he said handing them to me.

I looked at him confused and when I tried to grab them I couldn't. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he said out loud. "Do I need to dress you too?" I laid back on the bed and he let out a groan.

He managed to dress me without too much hassle and within ten minutes he tucked me into bed.

"Come lay with me" He let out a sigh and walked over to the bed and laid down next to me. "Tell me a story"

"About what?"

"I don't know. Fairytales, that there are happy endings"

I must have fallen asleep after I asked him to tell me a story because I woke up the next morning without hearing a story. When I woke up I could smell food cooking downstairs so I slowly got up and put on my robe and made my way down the stairs.

When I stopped in the kitchen I saw James making breakfast. "Good Morning" he said when he turned around and saw I was in the room. "Sleep good?" he asked with a smile on his face. I just groaned.

"Sit down, I made you eggs, toast and bacon. You had a pretty tough night last night"

That's when it hit me. I got drunk and kissed James.

"That wasn't just a dream was it?" he nodded his head.

Let the nightmare begin.

* * *

**Yikes!**

Let me know what you think :)


	11. sudden trip

"You have to tell him Bella" James said to me as he ate his breakfast. I lost my appetite when I realized that everything that happened the night before was not a dream.

"I know" I said as I looked down at my coffee, the one thing I felt like I could have-besides some more alcohol. "I know"

"How did this happen? Why did I do that?" I cried to James.

"I wish I knew. You were hurt that he would accuse you, you said if he was going to accuse you, you might as well do it"

"I have to tell him" I said to James. He nodded his head. "I have to fly out to wherever he is today. I have to go"

"Is that the best idea?"

"I can't tell him this over the phone. Rosalie will let the kids stay at their place for the rest of the day and tomorrow"

I got up and walked over to the table in the living room that had a list of places that Edward was in and on which days.

"Where is he at?"

"He was in Boston last night, I think he is in New York tonight" I picked up the list and found the date. "He's in New York, Madison Square Garden. I need to get a ticket"

James walked over to me. "So your just going to show up before one of his shows and tell him what happened?"

"I wouldn't ruin a concert. I'm going to wait till after"

"But are you going to go to the venue and act like everything is alright? And then after the show tell him?"

I put my hand on my forehead, "I don't know alright! Jesus, just I need to get a ticket"

"Shouldn't you let Rosalie know first?"

"Your right. Look, everything that happened last night"

"Didn't mean anything" I nodded my head. "I'm going to get going. Let me know if you need anything"

After I took a shower, I drove over to Rosalie's house. I had no idea what to say to her up until it was time to say it. As my hands nervously shook, I rang the doorbell.

"Bella? Your early" she must have saw the pain in my eyes, because panic shortly set in. "What's wrong?"

"I need to go to New York" Rosalie shut the door behind her.

"Why? What's going on?" she asked with a strain on her voice.

"Nothing, I mean everything but no one is hurt. Not yet at least"

"What are you talking about Bella?"

"I cheated on Edward last night" as soon as I said it the tears began falling from my face. The thought of it killed me. Rosalie's eyes went wide.

"You did what?"

"Last night, Edward called me up and accused me of cheating on him with James because he saw it on some gossip site and we got into a fight and I drank vodka and called up James"

"Ok…" she said listening carefully to me.

"And I kissed him, he kissed me back for a second but then he pushed me away and told me to stop it and I was being stupid and I puked and he changed me into my pajamas and then I asked him to stay the night with me because I couldn't sleep. When I woke up this morning he made me breakfast but I lost my appetite and he told me I needed to tell him and I said I know and so I'm going to New York to tell him"

"So your just going to barge in and tell him?"

"I'm going to wait till after the concert. I don't even have a ticket yet. I'll be back tomorrow, maybe tonight with the time change. I'm sure he won't even want to see me after this so I'll be right back. But I was wondering if"

"The kids can stay with me because you need to fix this. You made a mistake"

"Tell me it'll be alright Rosalie, please" I cried.

She looked at me with sad eyes. "I can't. I can't tell you everything is going to work out, that he'll magically forgive you because this isn't Hollywood" she stopped for a second, "Well it is, but this isn't a movie, this is real life."

"Thanks for the encouragement" I huffed.

"But you need to try and while I think that what you did is wrong and I don't support it at all, I support you" she said afterward. "Do you want to say bye to the kids?"

"Um, yeah. I'll just say uh-uh" I said trying to come up with an excuse to tell the kids I'm leaving. I can't say I'm going to see Edward, they'll want to come.

"You had to make a last minute business trip to San Francisco." I nodded my head. "Call the airline first, then tell the kids" I nodded my head again.

"So what's the plan?" Rosalie asked when I hung up the phone.

"My plane takes off at 1 today, get into New York at 9:30. I'll get to the venue around 10. Tell Edward and be back on a plane here at 6 AM and land at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

"Your getting there at 10 and leaving at 6?" I nodded my head.

"He isn't going to want to see me"

"I called Alice, she is taking you to the airport"

"Does she know?" I asked panicked.

She shook her head, "No, she just thinks you wanted to visit"

"Thanks for not telling her"

The flight seemed way too short because before I even could think about what was going on my plane was descending on the New York skyline. "Thank you for flying with us today, we hope you enjoy your stay in New York" the flight attendant said over the intercom.

After I got off the plane I went outside and hailed a cab.

"Hi, Madison Square Garden please"

"Isn't that where those the Eclipse are playing?"

"Um, yes"

"I took many people there today. Sold out. Aren't you a little late?"

"Yeah, I guess I am"

"Do you have tickets?"

Is this 20 questions or something?

"Actually, my husband um - he works there so I'm just coming to visit him" Not a total lie. My husband _is_ working there - for the night anyway.

"Hoping he could sneak you in to meet them?" the cab driver smiled in his rear view mirror.

"I guess you could say that I suppose"

There was traffic and so we got to the venue around 10:15. The concert will be over in about 15 minutes. "Here! Keep the change" I said throwing a 50 dollar bill at the cab driver.

"Wow, thanks! Have fun meeting them" he called out as I got out of the cab.

I pulled my backstage pass that Edward had given me before he left out of my purse and made my way to the back stage area. I showed security the pass and made my way into the area that Edward would run off stage into.

My cell phone read 10:28 and I could hear the last notes of One More Night. They'd bow and be backstage within the next ten minutes.

The time passed slowly but then I heard it. The closing line. "Thank you New York!" I held my breath as I prepared for them to run off the stage.

I saw Jasper run off, then Emmet and then Edward. "Bella" he said stopping when he saw me. He looked surprised and confused. "What's going on? Why aren't you in Los Angeles?"

"Edward, We need to talk"

* * *

**Let me know what you think :)**


	12. truth be told

"_Edward, we need to talk"_

"Ok"

"Can we? Please just go somewhere private"

"Um, sure. Let's go to the dressing room" he took my hand and began walking towards the dressing room but I stopped.

"But your family is going to be there"

"I'll tell them to get out" We walked together to the dressing room and inside was his family.

"Bella?" everyone said when they saw us both walk in. They all walked up to me to give me a hug.

"What are you doing here?" Emmet asked confused.

"I just wanted to see Edward" I tried to smile, but it was strained.

"Can we have a few minutes? I'll be to the bus in a few minutes"

Everyone nodded their heads and headed out to go to the busses.

"So, what brings you across the entire country? It surely wasn't because you wanted to just see me, especially after last night"

"This is really hard for me to tell you this" I said the tears starting to form in my eyes.

"Oh God Bella, what happened?" Edward asked panicked. I have found out today that I have a talent for making people panic.

"Remember when we talked on the phone last night? How you accused me of cheating?"

"I'm sorry about that I shouldn't-" he started to apologize but I cut him off.

"After I hung up the phone with you I called James" I studied Edward's face and I could see a look of worry come across his face. "And I got out some vodka and I began drinking, I was tipsy by the time he got there and kept drinking until I was drunk"

Edward didn't speak, he just listened. "He asked me why I called him over and I told him we got in a fight and that I was sad and then" I put my head down in shame. "And then I, I um, I kissed him Edward" The tears were now falling from my eyes but I wasn't the only one crying. Edward was crying too although I could tell he didn't want too.

"What? What are you talking about Bella?"

"I kissed him because I was mad at you for accusing me. I wanted to get back at you and I don't know WHAT I was thinking. It just happened"

"What did he do?" Edward asked with furry.

"He, he kissed me for a second and then pushed me away and asked what I was doing"

"What WERE you doing Bella?" Edward put his head in his hands. "I can't believe this is happening to me, to us"

"I told you I was mad Edward but other than that I don't know what the hell I was doing. I was upset that you'd accuse me and for some reason I thought I could get back at you by actually doing it. IT was the stupidest thing I've done but please don't be mad at James. If anything, he helped"

"He helped? What by helping you cheat on me?" Edward shot up in anger.

"He pushed me away Edward! He told me to stop it and he told me I was being stupid, that I shouldn't throw away what me and you have for something so stupid" I stood up in anger trying to defend James. There is no use in trying to defend myself.

"And then, he helped me to bed because I was to drunk to do it myself. I puked and he helped change me into my pajamas and then he put me into bed and I asked him to tell me a story to make me fall asleep and I guess I fell asleep quickly because the next thing I remember is waking up and going downstairs and he made breakfast"

"He slept at our house? In MY house?"

"He said he slept on the couch and only stayed to make sure I was alright"

"Do you realize what you did Bella? Do you even realize what this means?" Edward said turning to look at me, the tears now falling freely down his cheeks.

I nodded my head. "I'm sorry, I know it doesn't fix anything but I'm sorry and my plane leaves at 6 tomorrow morning so I'll be out of here in less than eight hours"

"So your going to run away? Run into the arms of James for him to comfort you?"

"What do you want me to do Edward? Follow you around on tour and beg for your forgiveness? I have a job to do!"

"So that's more important to you than fixing this?"

"I have kids to take care of that are waiting for me. I told them I was going on a business trip to San Francisco!"

"You should have thought of that before you decided to cheat on me Bella"

"Edward" The tears were coming down harder then ever. "I want to stay here and I want to try and make this all go away"

"It's never going to go away"

"I know"

"You didn't sleep with him?"

"No. We just kissed"

"I still can't believe this" he tried to laugh. "I can't fucking believe this is happening. I thought me and you would beat the odds, I didn't think we'd be another statistic"

"What are you talking about?"

"I think we need to just take some time right now. I still want you and the kids to come to the show in Chicago but other then that… I don't know. I just want to see the kids, my kids"

"Our kids" I whispered.

"I have to get on the bus. Have a safe trip back" Edward said and then walked out of the room. He didn't give me a hug or a kiss or say he loved me, not that I was expecting him too but all he said was 'Have a safe trip back'.

I grabbed my purse and then walked out of the room, running into Rob.

"What did you do to him Bella?" Rob asked concerned.

"Ask him. I have a plane to catch"

"But you just got here"

"I know, Bye Rob" I gave him a quick hug goodbye and then wiped my tears as I walked away with my head down. Rob just stood there confused before following me out the door to get on the bus.

When I walked out the back door I saw the busses. The band's bus, the boys bus. They were all lit up and running, getting ready to head off to their next destination where they'd play for thousands of adoring fans who would have no idea what was going on.

I walked out to the road and got a cab. "Hi, take me to the airport please". I would get a room, but I have to be at the airport around 4 and it's after 11 now. There is no sense.

I put in my ear phones to my ipod and watched the lights of the city go by as we drove to the airport. And when the song switched from Free Fallin' to Home, I let a stream of fresh tears fall down my cheek.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. "I'm sorry" I said again, although I knew he couldn't hear me. "I'm sorry... I love you". No amount of apologies will fix this.

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**:( Let me know what you think. Was it a disappointment? The chapter I mean. Anyway, let me know! :)**


	13. Chicago

_Bella Cullen was spotted leaving LAX yesterday around 12 and was then spotted arriving at LAX this morning around 9. Her destination? New York City, where her husband Edward played a show last night. Whatever the reason for her super quick trip to New York, one thing is for sure. She looked like a train wreck this morning._

The reports had been everywhere after I got back. Everyone wanted to know about my sudden trip to New York. They wanted to know if Edward and I were having relationship problems and I'd flown across the country to go see him and try to fix things. Everyone had a different opinion but none of it mattered to me. I just tried to block out everything they said to me.

After I got back I went to work and stayed there from eight in the morning to six or seven o'clock at night. After I cooked dinner for the kids and sent them to bed I'd drink. I've been trying to drink away my issues, my pain, everything and anything that would remind me of Edward. We haven't spoken since I left New York and it's killing me. Each day, every moment I think about him or see him somewhere it kills me a little bit more. A piece of me dies every time and it's hurting me.

I think everyone in the family knows what has happened now, except for Edward's parents. I've talked to Rosalie and Alice about it and I've talked to Jasper and Emmet a couple times. I like to think them calling was Edward's way of checking up on me without doing it himself. I'm not doing good, I cry every night and when I'm not crying I've probably got a drink in my hand. I haven't gone out besides for work or to Rosalie's or Alice's. They are the only ones I want to see. They are the ones that are trying to get me through this.

Last night, Rosalie came over and said to me "The kids know something is wrong. They're sad because your sad" and it hurt me even more. To know my kids are sad because of this whole messy, stupid situation. The situation that may break the unbreakable relationship. Maybe we'll be the Titanic of relationships.

But today is going to hurt more then any day these past two weeks because our plane just landed in Chicago and we'll be seeing Edward within the hour. All of the kids are currently getting antsy as the plane slowly pulls up to the gate so we can get off the plane.

"We'll get off in a couple minutes guys, just sit tight" Tight; my stomach is so tight from being in knots right now.

Just like planned an hour later we were at the venue making our way in to see everyone. The kids were anxious, I was nervous. Actually, I think nervous is an understatement.

When we got into the room that everyone was hanging out in the kids ran up to Edward and gave him a hug and then moved down the line. Jasper and Emmet awkwardly gave me a hug and then when Edward was done greeting all the kids he just looked at me. We awkwardly hugged to try and hide anything from the kids.

"Does everyone want to go out to dinner before the concert? We have to be back here in an hour so it'll have to be quick" Jasper asked.

"Sure" everyone mumbled. Ella and Aiden took Edward's hands, Belle held on to Jasper's and Amia held on to Emmet's. I walked with Rob.

"So, I assume you've heard" I said to Rob as we lagged behind the rest of the group.

"Yeah, Edward told everyone that night. He was pretty beaten up about it"

"Yeah. We haven't talked since I left"

"Really?"

I nodded my head, "Not even one phone call" I said trying to laugh, but it came out strained.

"I've seen him on his phone though. I assumed he was talking to you"

"He's called the house to talk to the kids. I've answered a couple times and he doesn't even say hello, he just asks if the kids are there"

"Wow" I nodded my head. "How are you holding up?"

"Um, you know it's been tough but I'm working on it. I stay at work later and come home and get the kids dinner and then after they go to bed I" I paused, I shouldn't be telling Rob this. "Old habits die hard" I mustered out as I headed towards the car. I almost got into the back seat but realized it was probably full. "Oh" I said as I opened the front door instead.

"Where does everyone want to go to eat?"

"I don't know" everyone said

"Bella?" Rob asked me.

"I don't care" I said looking out the window. We ended up going to McDonalds and were back at the venue in time for the guys to go to meet and greets and then lockdown and then the concert. Edward and I hardly talked unless we had to. The kids were too busy hanging out with the band and everyone else to really notice.

"Hey" I heard someone say as I was sitting in one of the chairs looking at the stage. I looked up to see Seth sitting down next to me.

"Hey"

"What's up?"

"Nothing, just thinking"

"About what?"

"I don't know, just stuff"

"Ah, stuff"

I nodded my head, "Why aren't you hanging out with everyone else? You know everyone but me"

"Because I wanted to come check on you"

"Why?"

"Because I'm worried about you"

"Why?"

"Rob told me what you said"

"What did I say?"

"You said that old habits die hard"

I nodded my head, "I did say that, because they do"

"What does that mean?"

"What do you think?" I laughed.

He looked at me with a serious expression on his face, "Have you gone back to drinking to 'forget your problems?'"

I looked straightforward for a second before turning to look back at him with tears in my eyes. "Yeah" I said quietly as I nodded my head.

"Bella, why?"

"Because this whole situation is hard and I can't do it. I put on a smiling face all day but when the kids go to bed I break down every night because I regret what I did every single day, every single minute but I know I can't take it back and I know Edward isn't going to forgive me and we didn't talk for two weeks until I got here and it's killing me"

He pulled me into a hug, "It's alright Bella. Everything is going to be fine"

"No it's not" I cried into his shoulder, "I don't know if we can bounce back from this. I betrayed him"

"It may take him a while, but I'm sure in the end it will be fine"

"You should probably get back to the guys" I said wiping my tears.

"I can hang out with you"

"No, no. Go hang out with them and the kids. I'll just hang out here till the concert" starts filling up

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go"

At the concert they pulled PayPhone for the kids and then towards the end of the concert they sang a different song. A song they'd never sang and when it started everyone seemed confused, including me.

"_I woke up early this morning around 4am, With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate, I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep, But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake, Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms, I've been tryin' my best to get along, But that's OK, There's nothing left to say, but_" As Edward sang I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. He was looking towards the sound stage where I was standing. He was singing to me.

Jasper and Emmet joined him in the chorus, "_Take your records, take your freedom, Take your memories I don't need 'em, Take your space and take your reasons, But you'll think of me, And take your cat and leave my sweater, 'Cause we have nothing left to weather, In fact I'll feel a whole lot better, But you'll think of me, you'll think of me_"

Is Edward saying he is leaving me? Is he trying to send me a message? I made eye contact with Seth with tears in my eyes and he looked sad too but no where as sad as me. I looked at the audience. I saw some tears in girls eyes, but they weren't nearly as bad or sincere as mine.

"_Someday I'm gonna run across your mind, Don't worry, I'll be fine, I'm gonna be alright__  
__While you're sleeping with your pride, Wishing I could hold you tight, I'll be over you__  
__And on with my life_" Edward sang.

"I'll be right back guys ok?" I said to the kids. They just nodded their heads.

"Can you watch them please?" I asked the sound guy.

He nodded his head, "Sure, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just need some fresh air"

I walked out of the sound stage and into the back area where I saw Rob standing.

"Bella? Are you ok?"

"I just want to go back to the hotel" I said quietly with tears in my eyes still.

"Do you want me to drive you?"

"No, I'll get a taxi. Just make sure the kids are safe. They are at the sound stage"

"Alright" he nodded his head.

"Thanks" I grabbed my purse and then left to get a taxi. Like I said before, nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

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**Hmm, poor Bella and Edward. The song is "You'll Think of Me" by Keith Urban - I suggest you go listen to it. It's awesome. Let me know what you think :)**


	14. Chapter 14

"Hi, Can I get a vodka on the rocks please?" I said to the bartender. "Thanks" I said when he handed it to me a couple minutes later.

I looked around at the bar around me that was in our hotel. It is unlike other bars I used to go to a while ago. This is filled with business people that are probably winding down after a long day. I looked over at a young woman and a young man laughing over drinks.

"That should be me and Edward" I mumbled to myself and took a drink. Like every night, the feelings of the alcohol going through my blood stream brought an instant sense of relief.

I finished my drink a few minutes later as I watched the young couple laugh with each other, an older couple have a couple drinks and the whole time all I could think about is how I wish I was with Edward at this same moment. I looked at my watch and figured they should be done with the concert by now and will be at the hotel within the hour probably.

"Can I buy you a drink" I turned my head to the right to where I heard the voice and saw a young man around my age sitting next to me.

"That's alright. I can get one myself" I said politely to him. I motioned towards the bartender who got the message and began making me another.

The bartender handed me my drink and the guy slipped her some money for the drink. "I thought I said I could get one myself?"

"You look upset, it's the least I could do"

"Yeah, well no offense but you buying me a drink would probably only make things worse" I said taking a sip from my drink.

"How so?" I showed him my left hand and he nodded his head, "Ah, your married"

I shrugged my shoulders, "For now"

"What's that mean?"

"Who knows"

"Marriage problems?"

"You could say that"

"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Besides practically being told your being left in front of thousands of people…" I trailed off taking a drink, realizing I probably shouldn't say anything. This guy hasn't done anything to make me think he knows who I am, but that doesn't mean he doesn't. "He told me to take my cat and the memories because he don't need 'em anymore"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking to a stranger"

"Come on, I'm not a pervert or anything. Just trying to help"

"It's not that. It's just" I took a drink as I tried to choose my words carefully, however carefully may not be in my vocabulary right now as the vodka is starting to cloud my judgment. "My situation isn't exactly normal."

"How so?"

"I can't talk about it. It's not because I don't know you. Actually it is and I'm sure your intents are good but I can't be sure and wow, I'm being very reasonable for being drunk right now"

"My intents what are you talking about?"

"I'm only in town to see my husband ok? Just take that and figure it out" I drank the rest of my drink and went to stand up but had to immediately sit back down because the vodka definitely did it's job.

"You ok?" I nodded my head. "What is your name by the way?"

"BellaCu-" I cut myself off before I said it. "Bella" I said trying to shake his hand.

"Bella, I like it. I'm Rick"

"Never gonna give you up" I began singing and he laughed.

"Not that Rick" I rest my head down on the counter. "Let me get you to your room"

I put my head up quickly, "No"

"Is there someone you want me to call?"

"Seth" I mumbled.

"What did you say?"

"Seth" I handed him my phone. "But I don't know if he is back yet"

"You want me to call? Is this your husband?"

"Find his number and give me the phone" he nodded his head and scrolled through my phone and then pushed the call button when he reached the number.

"Seth" I mumbled.

"Where are you Bella?"

"Come get me"

"Where are you?"

"Hotel" All I could get out was one word answers. "Bar"

"I'll be there in a second. We just got to the hotel"

"Seth? Seth!" I said into the phone but he didn't answer. I looked at the phone and saw he hung up.

"Is Seth your husband?"

"Husbands best friend"

"Your husbands best friend is here too? Does your husband live in Chicago? I'm so confused"

"Yes, no"

"Where are you guys from then?"

"California, I mean Forks, no California"

"California or Forks?"

"California"

"Are you sure?" I nodded my head. "What are you guys doing in Chicago then?"

Just then I heard someone call my name and when I looked up I saw it was Seth. "Seth!" I said to him.

"I'm here Bella" he put his hand on my back, "Who are you?" he asked turning his attention to Rick.

"I'm Rick."

"What have you been doing? Did you buy her drinks?" Seth asked sounding like he was slightly angry.

"I bought her one, we've just been talking"

"You don't have any cameras or anything do you?"

He looked confused, "No, why would I?"

"Just checking, Are you ready Bella?" I nodded my head.

Rick tried to help me but Seth stopped him. "I've got her" he said bitterly.

"I can't bring you to Edward's room like this. Your going to stay in my room tonight" I just let out a grunt. A few minutes later Seth set me down on a bed.

"Bella, what were you doing at the bar and with another guy of all places?"

"I told him no but he kept talking. He wouldn't leave"

"Did he do anything to you Bella? Do I need to go talk to him?" I shook my head. "Alright, I'm just watching out for you" Seth sat down next to me. "So why were you there?"

"Because he told me to take my cat and memories because he don't need 'em"

"You don't even have a cat Bella"

"Exactly. He must hate me to tell me to take something I don't even have!" Seth gave me a weird expression and I broke down in tears. "Why did he play that? In front of all those people"

"I don't know Bella. I didn't take part in it"

"He wants to leave me"

"You don't know that"

"When he sings a song about how he'll move on and he doesn't need me I think that is what he means"

"Your drunk Bella, get some rest" I looked at him and helped me stand up. "Here, get in" he said pulling the covers back. I fell back on the pillow and I must have been unknowingly exhausted because within minutes I was passed out.

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**This chapter is kinda iffy. Let me know what you think though :)**


	15. Confrontation

I woke up the next morning without a hangover, surprisingly and when I walked out into the living room I saw Seth watching television.

"Good Morning" he said to me.

"Morning"

"How do you feel?"

"No hang over, thankfully" Seth laughed. "But that just means I didn't get drunk enough last night"

"You were pretty set Bella. Do you even remember it?"

"Of course, I was at the concert having a good time and then Edward sang some Keith Urban song telling me to take my cat and memories and that he doesn't need me and that I'll think of him someday and then I left, went to the bar and talked to some guy named Rick and then you came to get me and went to sleep in your bed"

"Very good, I'm impressed" I smiled at him.

"Did he even realize I left? That I wasn't there after the concert?"

"He saw you leave the soundboard but he didn't think you left. After the song he talked into the back mic and asked where you went. Rob told him you left and went back to the hotel"

"I'm surprised he even cared enough to ask"

"Bella" he said turning to look at me straight on. "Of course he cares about you. You can't just stop caring for someone in two weeks when you've been in love with them for eight years"

I laughed, "We've only been together for six"

"He's liked you for sooo much longer. Since you guys hung out, he's been smitten. You just were too wrapped up in your old lifestyle to see it."

"I saw it but I denied it. When we hooked up at the party and we said some things to each other that I didn't want said it freaked me out and that's why I avoided him for so long. He tried so hard to get close to me again but I pushed him away even further. But when I found out I was pregnant with Arabelle it was Edward I went to and he was there for me every step of the way and that's when I realized I was in love with him" My random burst into a speech about Edward made me have to hold back a few tears. Whenever I think about Edward now I cry, thinking about the damage I've done.

"Bella, don't cry"

"I can't help it. I had it all, I had everything until they ruined it. They ruined everything" I cried into Seth's shoulder.

"Who? Who ruined it?"

"The media, paparazzi"

"But" I stopped Seth because I knew what he was going to say.

"I know they didn't force me to cheat on him but they are the ones that put that idea into his head and if they never said I was cheating, he wouldn't have accused me of it"

"So you think none of this would have happened if it weren't for the public?"

"I know it wouldn't. If we were two normal people living a normal life everything would be fine. When I started dating Edward I wanted it to be as low profile as possible. I never wanted the attention, the media that came from dating him, I just wanted to be with him. Before we started dating I was a normal girl, I was Bella Swan the girl from Forks but now I'm Bella, the girl who is married to a Cullen. I can never go back to being that girl, just Bella from Forks. He took that away from me."

"Have you ever told Edward you felt that way?" I shook my head.

"I've never told anyone that. You're the only one"

"I'm glad that your telling me, but I think that you know you have to talk to Edward. You guys have to talk about this"

"He doesn't even want to talk to me, see me for that matter"

"He texted me this morning asking if you were in my room. I think he wants to talk to you and he wants to forgive you, actually I know he wants but it's never going to happen if you don't go up there and talk to him now. If you both keep avoiding each other then nothing is going to happen and you don't want to do that to the kids. You guys need to fight to make this relationship work"

"But what am I supposed to say?"

"Everything you've told me and more. It'll come to you. Now go" Seth said pushing me off the couch.

"Just throw me to the sharks why don't you"

He smiled, "Sorry, it's the only way you'll go. Good luck"

With that Seth kicked me out of his room and I had no choice but to head down the hallway to the room where Edward and I were supposed to be staying. When I got to the room I knocked on the door and waited until Edward answered the door. When he did he was wearing his pajamas pants and a muscle shirt, to say he took my breath away would be an understatement.

"Bella" he said kind of confused.

"Seth made me come up"

"I've been hoping you'd come up"

"You have?" he nodded his head and opened the door wider so I could walk in.

"The kids are in Emmet's room. We need to talk"

"Ok" I said unsure of myself. We walked over to the table on opposite sides and just looked at each other.

"I guess I'll start" he said since neither of us had begun talking after a couple minutes "This is a talk that I don't want to have and I'm sure you don't want to have it either" I nodded my head, "But we have to have it because if we don't, things will get worse before they can even try to get better" I nodded my head again. "You know you can say something"

"I know, I just don't know what I want to say"

"Let's start with the beginning"

"The beginning?" he nodded his head.

"I've already told you about that night and what happened. I was upset, got drunk, kissed him and he pushed me away and then I fell asleep a little bit later"

"But why? Why would you even think that that was ok?"

"I knew it wasn't but I did it anyway. I did it because I was angry"

"Angry at what?"

"You, the media and paparazzi, the fans for taking you away, myself, everything"

"Why were you angry at all those things?"

"You because you accused me of cheating which only made me rebel. The media for even putting that idea out there because in Hollywood you can't have friends of the opposite sex, myself for obvious reasons and the fans because they have taken you away from me"

"But without them, we wouldn't be able to provide the way we can for our children"

"I know and I know it's selfish but I just want to have you to myself sometimes but I can't. I can't have you to just myself, I have to share you with everyone in the world, millions of people and to be honest, I'm jealous of every single person that is at a show or outside your hotel or just anywhere that you are because even if it's for a moment, they get to see you and I don't."

"I didn't know you felt that way" I nodded my head. "Keep going"

"This never would have happened if you weren't Edward from the Eclipse. We both know it and I can't help but feel that we would be perfectly fine without them. They set out to ruin people and relationships and they've reached their goal. They've ruined us and if either of us try to deny it then we are just lying to ourselves."

"But you're the one that made them reach their goal. The second you kissed James, you made that decision"

Tears fell from my eyes as Edward spoke. I could feel the pain in his voice and it only caused me more pain. "And I've regretted it ever since don't you get that? But I can't take it back, I can't go back in time and not do it. If I could I would have but I can't and I get that you don't want anything to do with me, I understand but I just need you to know that it didn't mean anything and that I regret it every second."

"I know you do, but it seems like your blaming everything on the media. The media caused to do it and that may have got it rolling but they didn't tell you to do it. You can't just take the blame for it and that's my problem."

"I told Seth something earlier and he made me promise to tell you and since we're on the topic of the media then I'll say it now"

"What is it?"

"I love you more then anything and that is why I'm with you. That's why I took the jump and began dating you but I was scared of what kind of attention would be brought to it. The idea that people would talk about me on gossip blogs scared the shit out of me but I loved you and I dated you anyway because I loved you. And maybe I blame the media because even after all these years, I'm still trying to get used to it. I used to be Bella, the girl from Froks that no one really knew or cared about and then suddenly I became Bella, the girl that is dating Edward from the Eclipse and then I went to be Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen' wife. And I don't know how to get to the mindset that I will never be just Bella again. No matter what I am always going to be Bella, the girl that married a it's hard for me to accept the fact that I will always have that over me, no matter what I do"

"But you're an accomplished and well known event planner"

"Because of you Edward. I got my name out there because of you and while I'm thankful for everything, it's still hard for me to get used to it. Even after five years of having my name everywhere. And maybe I am blaming things on the media, but I'm still trying to adjust but I do- I take full responsibility for everything that happened"

"Are you sure your not just saying that because that's what I want you to say?"

"No, like I said. I know it's my fault. I know they didn't hunt me down and tell me to cheat on you, I made that decision on my own and it was the stupidest decision I've ever made. Then again, maybe I'm trying to put some blame on the media because I can't believe I was so stupid to do it"

I looked at Edward waiting for him to say anything but he didn't, he just looked at me.

Finally he spoke, "I want to forgive you but when you told me it felt like a part of me killed me inside. Because I wanted to believe you were different, we were different. I wanted to believe that me and you would be that couple that'd make it through. I never wanted to become a statistic but each day I feel like that's what we are becoming"

"Is that why you sang that song? To tell me we're over?"

"That song, I didn't sing it to tell you we were over. I sang it to make me feel better and because I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me but I didn't expect you to leave and get drunk at the bar"

"What did you expect me to do? Sing and dance along? Do you know what it's like to have that song be sang to you in front of thousands of people that know it is obviously about you?"

"I didn't know" Edward stopped for a second, "I didn't know that you've been drinking until after you left and Seth told me and when he called to tell me you were at the bar drunk it hurt me. Because if I'm causing you enough pain to drink then you must be hurting a lot"

"You have no idea what these past two weeks have been like for me"

"I know, they've been hard for me too and this is what I think we need to do"

"What?"

"I think we need to work on things and make things better. It's not going to happen over night and it may take months but I'm willing to work at it, if you are" I nodded my head. "But you have to understand that the media is watching you and you know, I'm not going to ban you from seeing James even though I should"

I looked at him confused. "Even though you broke my trust once, I feel like I can trust you enough to know you wouldn't do it again and I know that he has helped you through me being gone and he didn't kiss you back. And maybe this is the stupidest mistake of my life but it's a mistake I'm going to have to make" I nodded my head. "I'm giving you my trust and I'm trusting you not to break it again"

"I won't." I nodded my head. "Never again"

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**Ehh.. let me know what you thought :) ****So comment and let me know what you thought of this chapter or whatever else you feel like commenting about :)**


	16. Somethings Off

"Which color?" one of my planners, Marissa asked me.

"This one" I said pointing to the medium blue. "It goes with the theme better" Marissa nodded her head and went back to her desk. The next couple weeks are going to be hectic for my business, but that's a good thing because it means more business, which means more money. I have all my planners working on something, including me. I'm planning Angela Weber wedding. She came to me about a week ago and asked and I was more then delighted. She is a long time friend of the family and I'll admit that when Jasper said he was getting married and it wasn't to Angela, I was a little disappointed; but I'm still going to make sure that her wedding is amazing.

So for the next several months my main focus at work is going to be on her wedding but I'm also helping to plan Alice's baby shower and a few other projects on the side. After I got back from Chicago I decided to completely submerge myself in work even more then I was so that I wouldn't have time to see James as much. I miss him, but right now I feel like it isn't the best to hang out with him, even though Edward said I could. I haven't talked to James since.

"Bella!" I heard a voice frantically calling me. I turned me head to see on of my other employees, Anna walking up to my desk.

"Yes Anna?"

"The florist for the party tomorrow said the company didn't deliver the flowers and won't be able to deliver them in time!"

"Is this the Anderson party?" she nodded her head.

"Call all the local flower shops and do the best you can. If you can't find the exact kind then find something as close to it as you can. You can call the Rachel if you need and explain the situation to her and have her go with you to look for flowers" The Andersons have done many parties with us and we've built up a pretty good relationship because of that. If anyone could understand, it'd be them. Anna nodded her head and walked away while I went back to thinking up possible ideas for Angela's wedding. We are meeting tomorrow to go over some things.

"Bella, you have a call on line two" Janice said to me, leaning into the doorway.

"Who is it?"

"James"

I left out a huff of air and nodded my head, "Alright, Thank you Janice". She waved and left the doorway, heading back to her desk. In my head I battled with myself; Do I pick it up and talk to him? Do I answer and say I'm busy and can't talk? Do I just ignore it?

I reluctantly pick up the receiver and press line two, "Hello?"

"Bella! Hi" He said sounding semi- surprised that I actually picked up the phone.

"Hi James"

"How are you?"

"I'm good, what can I do for you? I'm at work"

"I know, I just wanted to check up on you. I haven't heard from you for a while"

"Yeah, I've been really busy with work and the kids and everything"

"Oh, I see. I was wondering if you wanted to catch some lunch"

Of course I want to, but I can't possibly go out to lunch with him. Edward will be furious. "James, I don't think that is such a good idea right now"

"I know things are still bad between you and Edward or whatever but I just want to talk. Nothing more, we'll go to some place wide out in the open so that Edward can be assured we weren't doing anything behind closed doors if you want."

"I don't know" On one side I really want to go but the other side tells me I shouldn't. I'm trying to earn Edward's trust back and going out with James to lunch probably wouldn't be the best idea to go about doing that. It's like my angel and devil sides. "I'm really busy and"

He cut me off, "I know your busy but you need to take a lunch break and get some food. I just want to talk and catch up. I miss you"

"I miss you too but"

He cut me off again, "I'll pick you up at 1" he said and hung up the phone before I even had time to answer. I put the phone down and sat there confused. How is Edward going to react? Should I call him and tell him first and assure him that we are just going to talk? If I do that he might tell me h doesn't want me to go?

Janice interrupted my thoughts, "Is everything alright?"

"What? Oh yeah, everything is dandy" I said looking at the clock, it's 12:30 now so I have a half an hour before James picks me up.

"Are you sure? What did James want?"

"He just wanted me to go to lunch with him today"

"What did you say?"

"I tried to say no but he insisted. He said he's picking me up at 1 and it's just to 'talk' and that we'll go to some place wide open so Edward can be 'rest assured that we aren't doing anything behind closed doors'"

"Weird. Have fun and good luck I guess"

"Thanks" I said. Janice left the room and I tried to focus on the papers in front of me but I couldn't. They could only think about my lunch that is now twenty minutes away with James. Does he want to talk about the kiss? If so, I don't think a public place is the best location for that.

The time flew quickly because the next thing I realized James was standing in the office waiting for me. "Hey" I said giving him a quick hug, still unsure if this was a good idea.

"Where would you like to eat?" I suggested the casual café a couple blocks down on Sunset. It's open aired and casual. A friendly gathering. He agreed. "Do you want to walk then?" I looked around, noticing there was no paparazzi and nodded my head agreeing.

The no paparazzi situation didn't last long when they spotted me walking to Sunset with James. Moments later there were numerous photographers and people with cameras walking around us.

"Bella, What is your guys relationship?" one questioned me.

"We are just friends getting some lunch" I said trying to quickly maneuver my way into the café before they could ask any more questions, James following close behind me. We made our way to the patio outside, sitting down near to a younger couple.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I asked once we were both situated.

"I just wanted to catch up. I haven't talked to you since, I don't know before you left for Chicago which was two weeks ago, so about a month or so." I nodded my head. "Just wanted to see how your doing"

"I'm doing alright" Something about the way I said it must have given him a vibe that I wasn't completely telling the truth.

"Tell me how you have really been doing Bella" There was something about James, maybe it was because he made me feel so comfortable but whatever it was made me spill my guts to him even when I didn't want to.

"I've been really busy which is good because it keeps my mind off of the whole situation" I spoke generally but he knew what I was referring to, "The past month I've resorted back to old habits, but I'm trying to get out of those habits but with each story and each day going by without a phone call it gets harder and harder to resist. Every time the kids ask where Edward is all I can do is look at the list and tell them because he no longer calls and tells me like he used to."

Although this probably isn't the place to do this, I can't help it. "I'm scared more then anything though. I'm scared that this may be it. You heard about the song right?" he nodded his head. He is such a good listener. Most guys hate listening to girls problems but not James. It never fails to amaze me. "That night was so hard for me. For him to do that and in front of the kids and in front of the fans. It hurt me so bad but I hurt him too so I deserved it"

"You didn't deserve that Bella, no one deserves to be called out in front of 20,000 people"

I nodded my head, "I do. I'm the reason we are in this mess"

He sat silent for a minute while trying to decide how to word himself, "Your one of my best friends and I can't tell you that that statement you just said is wrong because I can't lie to you. I can sit here and tell you that everything is going to work out and you guys will get a fairy tale ending because I'm not a psychic but what I can do is listen to you and help you. And I just want you to know that I will be here whenever you need me. Day or night, any time of day"

His words made me choke up, he spoke the truth. He tells it like it is and that's what I like about him. "But me being seen with you in public like this probably isn't going to make the situation any better"

"I know but at this point you can't make it any worse either"

"Yeah I could. I could get divorce papers in the mail tomorrow"

"You have to think positive. I have faith that you will figure something out and I'm going to give you some advice, the first piece is to call Edward and tell him that we had lunch together today. Explain to him what we did and everything. It'll help and will be so much better then him calling you up angry because he read on some site that we went to lunch together and you never told him"

I nodded my head because I knew he was right. "Your right, I do have to tell him"

After we finished eating our meals we walked back to my office. "Thank you for today" I said giving him a quick hug.

"No problem, remember any time you need to talk" I nodded my head and waved to him as I walked into the building.

That night after I put the kids to bed I knew I had to make a phone call. I picked up my phone and dialed Edward's number. It rang and rang and rang until finally I heard his voice on the other end. He seemed out of breath.

"Hello?"

"Hi Edward"

"Oh, Hi Bella" he said sounding semi-disappointed.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just hanging out at the hotel. You?"

"Just put the kids to bed"

"Oh, cool" A silence fell between us until Edward spoke again.

"Did you need something?" It killed me for him to say that. Like I was bothering him or something. Like we can't just talk on the phone to talk, I always need something.

"Um, actually I just wanted to tell you that I went to lunch with James today"

"Oh" He didn't let any sign of emotion enter his voice. "How was it?"

"It was good. We went to that little café on Sunset, we walked there because it's a nice day out today and I needed fresh air. We just talked and ate"

"Oh cool" I was getting a different vibe from Edward. He didn't seem jealous or angry. He seemed uninterested.

"It was just a friendly thing. He just wanted to catch up. I just figured I'd tell you so you didn't read it somewhere and get angry or something."

"No, that's fine. I appreciate it"

"I'm really trying to work at this you know?"

"I know" he said unconvincing. "I have to go Bella, I'll talk to you later. Tell the kids I'll call tomorrow"

Before I could even say bye the line went day letting me know he had hung up. Something was off about him tonight, his voice was different. He wasn't interested in what I said, he seemed to just not care, distant even. Something was different and I couldn't understand why.

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**Thankyouuuu for the review...** **What do you think will happen? Why do you think Edward is acting weird? Let me know!**


	17. I just have to take it

A couple days went by after the weird phone call with Edward. I mentioned it to Rosalie but she figured he was just tired from the demands of touring and to think nothing of it. I didn't mention to the kids that I talked to Edward and that he'd call tomorrow to talk to them because I didn't want them to get disappointed if he didn't call. Edward surprised me though, he called right after dinner time and talked to all the kids. He was on the phone with them for over an hour and afterwards they were all so happy.

I'm currently sitting in my office going over some more plans for Angela's wedding. We had the meeting yesterday and she liked the idea I'd come up with and so now I'm working on planning it out in real life. Making her dreams come true even if mine weren't. That's what I do, I make sure people have the fairy tale weddings, anniversary parties or birthday parties. I do it all to make everyone else happy even if I'm not happy in my own life.

I was on my computer looking up stuff online for Angela's wedding when I heard a knock at my door and saw Marissa. "Come in" I said looking up.

"Hey Bella"

"Hey Marissa, what's up?"

"Nothing I just came to chat" she said taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"Why what's up?"

"Did you know that Tanya was in Tulsa a couple days ago"

Tanya, Edward's ex-girlfriend pre-me. "Um, no I wasn't aware of that fact" I said confused as to how this really concerned me.

"Where was Edward a couple days ago?"

That's when it hit me. A couple days ago Edward was in Tulsa for three days. A couple days ago the weird conversation took place. A couple days ago, Tanya was in Tulsa at the same time as Edward. "Tulsa" I said trying to act fine with the idea.

"You don't think that's weird?"

"Maybe she was in the area and they decided to catch up"

"In Tulsa?"

I thought for a second. She's right. "How did you find this out anyway?"

"When I signed on to my computer there was a story on the homepage that said 'Popstar seen out with ex' and I decided to click on it to see who it was. I never expected it to be Edward and Tanya"

"Show me where it is" she nodded her head and walked over to my computer going to the homepage and looking for the story. A couple minutes later she backed away and when I looked I saw the article, accompanied by pictures of them out and about.

The article read, _Edward Cullen of the Eclipse was seen around town with his ex-girlfriend, Tanya Denali in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The two grabbed lunch, hit up the mall and then continued to walk around town. The Eclipse had a few days off before playing the concert last night at the arena where Denali was also spotted. One witness said of the pair, "They looked like they were flirting or something. They looked like they were having a good time." A fan at the concert said they saw Denali "dancing and singing along to all the songs, catching eye contact with Cullen a few times."_

His wife, Bella was no where to be found, however a couple days ago she was spotted out in Los Angeles with her friend James Miester.

The pair have been dodging cheating and break up rumors for months and we can guarantee that these latest stories will only heat them up.

"Wow" I said when I finished reading. "That's um, interesting"

"That's all your going to say?" she asked dumbfounded.

"What am I going to say? Call him out on cheating?" I let out a laugh, "I would be a hypocrite"

"So your just going to let it go?"

I thought for a second. She was in his hotel room the other night and that is why he was acting so strange on the phone. "The other night when I called him to tell him I went out to lunch with James he seemed so distant and uninterested in what I had to say. All he would say was cool and oh. Then when I said I was working hard on making things work he quickly said he had to go and hung up before I could even say bye"

Marissa looked at me curiously as I continued talking, "He was in Tulsa that night" I finished. Marissa's eyes went wide as realization as what I was saying got to her.

"I don't even know what to say"

"There is nothing to say. I can't say anything to him" I managed to hold back the tears that were trying to escape, "I have to let him do what we wants. I have to trust him"

"Bella, you can't just let him cheat on you"

I looked at her, "Marissa, cheating allegations is how this whole mess started. If I bring it up it will only get worse"

She laughed, "Your crazy Bella. You don't deserve that"

"Edward doesn't deserve me, he doesn't deserve what I did to him. I have no room to talk anymore."

"I don't understand you. Your going to just sit by and watch the person you love, the father of your children cheat on you"

"Like I said, I can't say anything to him without sounding like a hypocrite. Besides we don't even know if he really is cheating"

"She obviously flew there to see him Bella"

"I'm sorry. I can't talk about this right now. I'm trying to work on Angela's wedding"

She nodded her head and exited them room. I let my head down to cry. Everything is tumbling down around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Edward, the one person that changed my life in ways I didn't even think were possible, is slowly being dragged away from me and there is nothing that I can do to prevent it. We really are inseparable.

I tried to focus the rest of work but it was too hard. Everything kept bringing me back to Edward and Tanya. What was she really doing there? Questions and answers kept playing in my head trying to think of a legitimate reason, but I couldn't. Every one brought me back to the same old answer, Edward is doing the same thing to me that I did to him.

I drove to Rosalie's house and when I arrived I quickly knocked on the door. She opened it a few minutes later looking confused to see me on the other side. "Bella?" was all she said before I stepped up and started walking in the house.

"Why didn't you tell me Tanya was in Tulsa with them?"

"I didn't know" I could see the lie in her eyes. She knew and she never told me.

"Don't give me that bullshit Rosalie. Tell me why you didn't tell me"

"I didn't want to hurt you" she said quietly.

"And you think me finding out other ways is better? You think finding out at work was the best place for me to find out?"

"How did you find out?"

"Marissa told me, there was a story about it online" Rosalie nodded her head.

"Emmet told me when she got there. I was never told before that she was coming. He wasn't really even sure why she was there, just that Edward and her said they'd 'reconnected' or something"

Reconnected. That's what Jasper and Angela said when she broke up with Ben for Jasper. That they 'reconnected'.

I nodded my head, "Next time, I'd appreciate it if you could warn me ahead of time. A heads up on when another piece of my life falls apart" I said with anger and sadness in my voice at the same time.

"Bella I wanted to tell you but Emmet told me not to. He said Edward would be really upset if I told you."

"I understand. He's just hurting me like I hurt him. But I can't confront him about it because I'll just be a hypocrite. I just have to take it and deal with the media and the criticism and the fact that my marriage is falling apart, if it isn't already completely destroyed." Tears began falling slowly down my cheek. "I'm strong" I said barely above a whisper, "I'm strong. I can make it through" I said again as Rosalie pulled me into a hug only making the tears flow faster and harder.

"I'm going to be alright. I'm just going to take it. It'll be over soon"

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**Did you see that one coming? Haha. This one took me like 30 minutes to write. It was really easy! Yayy. Enjoy and let me know what you thought!**

**I LOVE THE REVIEW :)**


	18. Same plot different character

A week went by after discovering that Tanya was with Edward in Tulsa. I didn't do anything about it, I didn't ask him about it and I never brought it up to anyone. When I'd go out paparazzi would sometimes ask me if I was aware that she was there and I just ignored them. I just dealt with it like I said I would the best I could.

I've gone out to eat with James a couple more times since then and I'd text Edward after each time, only to have him reply with 'oh', or just 'cool'. After each message I did my best to not let it upset me, telling myself that he is just too tired or too busy to write me back a better response. I've surrounded myself with even more work and cancelled out anything that may require me going anywhere near where a gossip article may be written about Edward or I.

However, Edward and I will be face to face with each other as everyone is flying out to a show in Toronto today. Before Edward left we had sat down and planned out which shows I would come too, figuring the kids would want to see him at least once a month. After this, Edward will be cross seas. This time everyone is coming, including Rosalie, Alice, Esme, Carlisle and the kids. I considered just having the kids go and me stay home so I wouldn't see Edward but everyone told me I had to go, saying "If you stay at home nothing will ever get fixed."

In fact, our vehicle is closing in on the arena the guys are waiting at, the kids getting more anxious with every inch we take forward, me getting more nervous with every inch. Edward and I have way to many unresolved issues obviously and I know we need to talk about them but last time we talked nothing really came of it. Actually, look at where we are now? If anything progress as has been loss. If things continue to go down hill I don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to give up on us but I can't keep going through this, all because of one drunken kiss that I've continuously apologized for.

The schedule for today is the same as it always is. Go to the arena and greet everyone, go to dinner, come back to the arena for sound check, lockdown and then the concert and then go back to the hotel to sleep. The routine is always the same and sometime in between there Edward and I will find time to either argue, act 'normal' for the kids or just ignore each other the best we can. The kids are starting to catch up, especially Arabelle. She can read, she knows what is going on but she doesn't talk about it.

"Hi" I said giving Seth a hug when I saw him, he was the first I saw. Followed by the rest of the band who were all hanging out in the dressing room. The guys were running late and would be here in a few minutes.

"How are you doing?" Seth asked me when we were walking down one of the hallways alone. We always have our alone time, he is the one I've connected with most out of their band.

"I'm doing good, how are you?"

"I'm good" I nodded my head. "I hear you've been hanging out with James again"

I looked at him confused, "Yeah, who told you that?"

"Emmet"

"How did Emmet know?"

"Probably Rosalie" I nodded my head. "And you heard about Tanya?"

I nodded my head again. "Yup"

"Did Edward tell you?"

"No, I read it online"

"Wow"

"Yeah but it's whatever. What can I do about it? If I say anything I'm a hypocrite"

"That's all you have to say about it?"

"Yeah, this is the first time I've talked about it since I found out."

"You haven't said anything to Edward?"

"No, why should I?" Just then my phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, the guys are here. We're in the dressing room"

"We'll be there in a second" I said before hanging up the phone. "The guys are here"

"Are you ready?" Seth asked me when we got to the door. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in and smiled when I saw them all standing there. I gave Emmet and Jasper hugs first because they were closest and Edward was also talking to the kids. It seemed like everyone was watching us to see what we'd do. I walked up to Edward and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Hi" I said to him.

"Hi" he said giving me a hug back. We haven't kissed in over a month and it sucks, but now isn't the right time. We broke apart and went back to talking to everyone else, ignoring each other as we do best.

After dinner and after the sound check we were all standing yet again in the sound booth watching the concert. They did their usual songs, throwing in PayPhone for the kids. Everyone could probably figure out by now when we were at the show because that song was always played. After every song my stomach would twist a little more from anxiety about what song Edward would sing about me tonight.

I waited and waited for a song to come but when they left the stage after the encore that there wasn't a song. Edward didn't sing any song that was directed at me and now I'm left wondering why. Does he want this all to be over? No, he would have sang a love song or something. Does he want us to break up? No, he probably would have sang a song like last time. It's like he didn't even acknowledge me this time. No love song, no sad song, no make-up song, nothing.

Later that night after Edward and I put the kids to bed we both walked into the living area of the suite.

"Hey, Good show tonight" I said.

"Thanks. The crowd was crazy."

"Yeah, definitely." The conversation was so strained it was almost terrifying. We can't even have normal conversations. "So" I said unsure of what else to say. I knew what I wanted to say, but didn't know if I should.

"So"

"So, did you have fun with Tanya in Tulsa?" I asked casually while Edward was getting out a bowl of cereal. When I mentioned her name he stopped and looked at me.

"You heard about that? Did Emmet tell you?"

"No, I read it online somewhere"

"Are you mad?"

I shook my head, "No"

"Even though she is my ex girlfriend?"

"Should I be mad?"

"I don't know. I just figured you would be."

"If I say anything about it I'll be a hypocrite" I said relaying the same message to him that I'd said to Rosalie and Seth. Edward chuckled. "Is something funny?"

"No, I just find it humorous that your not even going to question me about it"

"Do you want a reaction from me? Is that what this is about?"

"No, I just never mind" he said changing the subjects.

"Look Edward, I don't want to fight and I'm getting really sick of this whole situation. I'm trying to make it better but I can't do that when you don't even cooperate."

"Is that what you've been doing with James? Trying to make this situation better?"

"Really Edward? Really?"

"What so you can hang out with James but I can't hang out with Tanya?"

"Did I say you couldn't hang out with her? No those words NEVER came out of my mouth." I raised my voice to him at the accusations.

"But I know your thinking it Bella."

"You know what I'm thinking? How about this, I'm thinking that I can't take this fucking lie anymore. Acting like we are perfect when we aren't. I hate lying and when my parents call I tell them your doing good even though I don't even have the slightest clue how your doing because you NEVER call me anymore"

"I call to talk to the kids."

"What about me Edward? Do you not care about me anymore? Am I just some piece of shit that your trying to push off to the side?"

"Maybe you should have thought about how the situation would play out before you decided to cheat on me." he shouted at me.

"I flew to New York to tell you the day after it happened and I've apologized so much for it. I'm sorry you can't get over the fact that it was a drunk kiss that meant nothing. Plus, it's not as if you told me you had your ex-girlfriend on tour with you for three days doing God knows what. I had to ask you." I shouted back at him. A simple question, that meant to do no harm turned into a shouting match.

"Yeah because I wanted you to find out the same way that I find out you were seeing someone behind my back."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I went out to lunch with James a few times a week. Big fucking deal and when it did turn into a 'big deal' I flew across the country to tell you. And I thought you of all people would know not to believe rumors."

"How can I not start to believe them when your out with someone everyday? Someone you used to SLEEP with?"

"Someone I used to sleep with when I was my old self, the old Bella slept with him when I was a mess. That was before I started dating you, that was before Arabelle, before my life turned around and everything became so much better."

"So the new Bella isn't an alcoholic like the old Bella?" I stopped to try and process if he really just said that. He did.

"Your to blame."

"I'm to blame?"

"Yeah, for telling me you'd never forgive me practically. For calling me out and singing some song about how you want to leave me in front of 20,000 people? You don't think that hurt?"

"It was supposed to." he said through clenched teeth. "It was supposed to hurt you just like it hurt me when you told me you cheated on me."

"Tell me something." I said trying to act calm. "What did you and Tanya do while she was in Tulsa? I just want to know, tell me the truth. Everything."

"Why?"

"Because that night I called you, I could tell that I was the last thing on your mind. You were so distant and you didn't even give a shit that I called you." I walked closer to him and asked him the question I wanted to know. "Did you sleep with her?"

"We were drunk." he said. I nodded my head and before he could see the tears fall from my eyes I turned around to go to the bedroom; but when I turned around I saw Belle and Amia standing there both with tears in their eyes.

"Are you guys breaking up?" Amia asked while holding on to her doll. I looked up at Edward who looked just as shocked as I was.

"We'll talk about this later. Let Daddy get you back to bed, Mommy has to go out for a little bit." I said while sniffling away my tears.

I stood up and kissed them each on the forehead, "I love you. I'll see you in the morning."

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**You all probably hate me right now. I know you all love Bella and Edward together. But don't give up hope. Let me know what you guys think! I'm excited to hear!**


	19. DO I LOOK OK?

After I left our suite I walked straight to Seth's room, banging on the door when I arrived as the tears began falling from my eyes. Finally, the door opened to reveal Seth looking confused as to why I'm showing up at his door at almost one in the morning.

"Bella what's wrong?" he asked me after he noticed I was crying. I stepped forward and pushed my way into his room.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam came in to the room to see what was going on.

"Tell you what? I don't know what your talking about"

"That he slept with her!" I shouted. Both Seth and Sam's mouth's fell open and they stared at me wide-eyed.

"I didn't know"

"Are you sure your not just telling me that?" he nodded his head. "Sam?"

"I didn't know. He didn't tell us."

"I'm going to talk to Jasper. He knows." I said turning around to go to the door. "I have to talk to Jasper, I need to talk to someone"

"Talk to us"

"No, I need to talk to one of his brothers" I said as I grabbed the door and made my way out of the room.

"Come back to the room if you need too" I heard Seth shout before the door completely closed. I marched by way down to the room Jasper and Alice had and began knocking at the door. Moments passed, until he finally answered the door.

"Bella? It's almost one in the morning"

"I need to talk to you"

"Okay…" he said opening the door wider for me to walk in. Once inside I saw that Alice was sitting on the edge on the couch. "What's up?"

"Why didn't you worn me that Edward slept with Tanya? You didn't think I'd like to know?"

Jasper put his hand on the back of his neck and looked at Alice who had a look of shock on her face similar to Seth and Sam's before turning back to look at me. "He told me not to say anything, I didn't even tell Alice."

The tears fell harder as I fell to my knees because any hope that I'd had that Edward was lying was gone. Jasper just confirmed it. Jasper rushed to my side. "I wanted to tell you but he wouldn't let me. He made me promise and I'm sorry, he's my brother."

"But you couldn't tell me Jasper? I didn't get mad at him hanging out with her because I thought I could trust him enough to not do anything, that it'd be ok. I figured at the most they made out. To find out that he's slept with someone other then me" I looked up at Jasper, "I don't know if I can ever be with him again after that."

Jasper pulled me into a hug and I cried on his shoulder for nearly twenty minutes before I pulled away. "How did we get so deep into this Jasper? How did this all go wrong?"

"I don't know Bella, you guys don't deserve this"

"It would have been fine. We would have made it through I know it but now I'm not so sure."

"I know Bella, I know it's hard but you can't give up. He said it meant nothing and he was drunk."

"So when I said that I was drunk and the KISS meant nothing it was a lie but when he gets drunk and SLEEPS with someone and says it meant nothing it's the truth?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean Jasper?"

"I don't know, I just this is so much drama," Jasper said standing up, be standing up after him. "Edward has been so fucked up since all of this shit started."

Jasper's tone and language surprised me a little, Jasper rarely ever swears. "You have no idea what this has been like for him Bella. He prays every night for everything to be over, for this to all just be one big nightmare."

"It would have gotten better until he had to sleep with her."

"It was a mistake Bella, he's, he's been upset with himself ever since it happened."

"Why did he even have her come here to begin with?"

"To get back at you, he wanted her to come and to make you feel like shit. To make you feel how you made him feel."

"He did that when he sang that song in front of 20,000 people and in front of the kids."

"I know and I didn't really want him to do that but he insisted on it. He wanted to do it so bad and so finally everyone just gave up and agreed. But after he found out you went to the bar and got drunk he felt bad."

"Jasper, don't even try to make your brother seem better then he is right now. He had sex with another woman and he is married. This isn't just a stupid kiss that meant nothing with someone I had something with when I used to party with. This was sex with his ex-girlfriend that he dated before me."

"I don't know Bella. I don't want to be in the middle of this but he put me there. I didn't ask for this."

"He wasn't even going to tell me Jasper. He wouldn't have told me unless I said something first and you want to know what else happened?"

"What?"

"When I turned around after he said he slept with her I turned around and you know who was standing there watching the whole thing?"

"Who?"

"Arabelle and Amia." I saw Jasper's face fall. "And do you know what Amia said to me?"

"What?"

"Are you guys breaking up? My kid that is not even 5 years old yet watched me and her father yell at each other, and then ask me if we are breaking up. That right there was enough to send me into tears."

"I know Bella"

"Stop saying you know Jasper. You don't know how the fuck this whole thing feels!"

"I'm sorry, Your right I don't know how this feels but I do know how it's making you both feel and I can see that you two still really love each other deep down and I both know that you can work this out some way, some how but it's going to be hard."

"Have you turned in to some sort of psychic now or something?"

"No, but I have faith in you guys. You guys were two of the happiest people I saw. You were so in love with each other and I know you still are."

I didn't want to hear anymore of Jasper's bullshit. "I can't keep listening to you. I'm leaving."

"To where?"

"I'm sleeping in Seth's room tonight. If Edward asks tell him I'm in bed with James." I said before slamming the door to Jasper's hotel room.

I knocked on Seth's door and he quickly appeared and opened the door ushering me in. "Are you doing ok?" he asked me.

"Do I look ok?"

"I'm sorry. Come here" Seth said pulling me into a hug which only started a whole new set of tears.

"This never was supposed to happen"

"I know, I know" he kept repeating to me as I cried.

I'm crying because my husband cheated on me, I'm crying because my kids saw us fighting, I'm crying because I'm thousands of miles away from home, I'm crying because I have to see Edward tomorrow and the kids. But mostly, I'm crying because I may have just lost the love of my life, for a second time.

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**Let me know what you think. I gave you guys 4 updates in 2 days,I can't stop to write :(**


	20. For the Cameras

_The celebrities are gearing up for the Teen Choice Awards this year held in Los Angeles. There are said to be hundreds of celebrities in attendance, but the big question everyone is wondering is if Edward Cullen' wife, Bella will be his date on the red carpet or if she will gracefully bow out of this one since the two have been reportedly been having some marriage problems for the past few months._

August is always a busy month no matter what. It is the last month of summer which means the kids are getting ready to go back to school, work speeds up and award shows are in abundance. Tonight is the Teen Choice Awards and in two weeks are the Video Music Awards, which just happens to fall on mine and Edward's 'anniversary'. Also, tomorrow the guys have a concert in San Diego. Unwillingly I am being dragged to that concert.

Edward flew in early this morning with Emmet and Jasper, making it the first time they have been back in Los Angeles since they started their tour four months ago. Four long months ago. Edward slept in the guest room last night considering we still haven't sorted out our issues. It's been three weeks since I've found out he cheated on me and while we've talked, nothing has been talked about. Our conversations usually just include asking how the kids are and "how was your day?"

Tonight is bound to be a super awkward night for Edward and I as well as Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice as we are all going to the award show together. Everyone has been speculating that Edward and I are having marriage problems and although we really are, we can't actually admit it. We have to put on a happy face for the public and media and let them believe we are still as in love and happy as we've always been.

Last week another story was put out saying that Edward and I are separated and about to be divorcing saying "_The pair have been separated for a while and are going to go forward with a divorce shortly. No prenup was signed but the pair want to settle out of court. They are both only concerned for the children._" The story was completely fabricated as Edward and I have still not talked about separating and definitely not divorcing.

Our publicist released a statement saying, "_Edward and Bella are still together and happy and all stories published that state otherwise are completely fabricated unless stated otherwise. Please do not believe the rumors that are being put out there as they only make situations worse._" So since we are 'so happy' we have to act happy. Which basically means we are acting for good publicity. Our publicist fear that if we don't go together that people will think we really are separated and that "that fairytale image we've set will be gone." Which translates in to "If you guys get a divorce then your career is gone." Basically.

So that is why I am currently sitting in the living room in a pink knee-length dress with my hair curled and make-up applied while waiting for Edward to come down. The whole day we have said less then ten sentences to each other and we are going to be forced to sit next to each other for the next four hours or five hours.

I waited for another five minutes until Edward finally came down the stairs in a dress shirt and pants.  
"Hey, the car is waiting for us out there. Everyone is ready to go." I said to him.

"Alright, awesome. Let's go." When we got in to the car that Emmet, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice were already in we greeted them and then proceeded to ride to the award show.

"Now make sure you guys pose for pictures together and look happy." our publicist said when we pulled up to the carpet.

"Yes Marissa, Don't worry." Edward said back with a tone of annoyance in his voice. I'm sure he wants to do this just as much as I do.

"Bella?" she said turning around to me. I smiled and nodded my head, "Absolutely."

"Let's get this over with. You guys go out first." I said to Emmet and Rosalie. The hopped out to the screams of girls, followed by Jasper and Alice. "Are you ready?" I said to Edward. He nodded his head before opening the door and stepping out, holding out his hand to help me out of the car.

We walked on to the red carpet and held hands and it felt so weird. Holding hands is no sign of commitment or anything, but when the most you've done is hug for less then a minute for the past three months it makes it a big deal. It felt so weird to have our hands be together. It reminded me of how perfectly they fit together, it made me realize how much I miss him even though I shouldn't. I should hate him.

The deal on the red carpet is to pose for pictures, so we stepped in front and did just that. Emmet and Rosalie and then Alice and Jasper were already posing for pictures as couples, and it only meant it's time for me and Edward to do it too. "Put on a smile for the cameras" I said through my teeth to Edward as we got ready to step in front of the cameras. He put his arm around my waist which for some reason surprised me. I looked at him and he smiled awkwardly and then nodded for me to follow suit, so I did. After posing for some more pictures, we all posed together and then the boys posed.

The second part is the interviews with every blessed thing you can imagine. The publicist hooked the boys up with E! News. Of course it is Ryan Seacrest doing it. While the boys talked us girls hung back a little, until Ryan focused in on us.

"I see you guys all brought some very special dates." Ryan said looking back at us.

"Absolutely." Emmet said holding his hand out for Rosalie to come up to him, Jasper following suit, and then Edward. We all grabbed their hands and stepped up to the platform.

"Are you guys excited to be here tonight with your husbands?"

"Absolutely, it's going to be such a fun night." Rosalie said smiling.

"What about you Alice? You look like your going to give birth soon."

Alice laughed, Jasper laughed and then Alice added, "No pun intended".

Ryan laughed and then turned his attention towards Edward and I of course. "Now Edward and Bella, there have been rumors circulating for months that you guys are having marriage problems but you guys seem to be looking happy. What's the deal with you two?"

"There will always be stories out there you know trying to bring you down but you just have to ignore them."

"Bella, have something to share?"

I put on my fakest smile and added, "Sure, just what Edward said, you just have to try and ignore the negative stories put out about you and focus on the good. Edward and I are happy together and the kids are doing great which is all that matters."

"Alright, well thank you guys for talking to me and I hope you enjoy the show."

"Thank you" we all smiled.

After a few more interviews it was time for us to head inside and take our seats. I was seated next to Edward and Rosalie. "How is everything going?" Rosalie whispered into my ear.

"I don't know. I think we are convincing enough. What do you think?" I looked at her and she nodded. "It's weird to act lovey dovey and hold hands. It's been so long."

"I know but your doing good. Just a few more hours." I nodded my head and smiled.

When it came time for the first award the boys are up for the camera began panning around and came to us and Edward grabbed my hand looking like he was holding it for good luck. He's taking this pretending we're so happy thing to the next level.

"And the winners are…. The Eclipse!" the announcer called out. We all jumped up in excitement, even me and Edward and I both got caught in the moment that he kissed me. He kissed me on the lips. It was really quick, barely a peck though but it confused me. Confused us both so much that we just looked at each other for a moment, it blocked out the sound of the screams around me. Jasper pulled Edward up with him and I sat back down trying to process what just happened.

Whoever knew that a simple kiss could mean so much? Whoever knew that it could only make the situation a whole lot more complicated then it already is?

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**This chapter kind of sucked, but I just wanted to get it posted! Anyway, a kiss! Could this be the start of a reconciliation? Or could it only damage things more? Let me know your thoughts! One more thing, the reviews to last chapter was AMAZING. I loved reading them. Thank you guys so much. Let's keep those reviews coming. I may not respond to them all but I DO read them ALL.**


	21. Beautiful Disaster

_Last night at the Teen Choice Awards was filled with musical guests, star presenters and awards given out to the top contenders in their categories. Taking home Favorite Musical Group was once again the Eclipse. However the biggest talk of the night for the Eclipse was the fact that Edward Cullen showed up with his wife, Bella on his arm. The couple were both looking as normal and in love as ever with Edward wearing his usual slacks and dress shirt and Bella wearing a pink knee-length dress. The pair who has been in the media the past few months surrounding cheating rumors on both ends seemed perfectly happy with each other, even sharing a sweet kiss when the Eclipse won their award. Witnesses say "They looked happy all night and showed no signs of trouble in their relationship." The two have both been mum about the relationship and the details._

After the Teen Choice Awards Edward and I didn't mention this kiss to each other. We simply tried to act normal around each other, actually, normal doesn't really exist with us anymore. 'Normal' for us now is to say a few words and then start fighting with each other about either James or Tanya. Yesterday was a good day though, we managed to not fight _and_ we managed to pull off the stint of acting like we were perfectly happy. I read articles this morning and no one mentioned that anything looked strained, forced or unrealistic. Management was very happy with us today.

Tonight is the show in San Diego and we are all at the venue already. Things have been weird between Edward and I. It seems like we both want to say something, we just don't know exactly what we want to say yet. I don't exactly want to go up to him and say "Hey, so how 'bout that kiss?" Could you say awkward?

"Hey" Seth said coming up to me at catering.

"Hey what's up?"

"Your in a good mood today."

"What made you think that?"

"Because that is Sprite" he said pointing to my cup "And you just seem much happier"

"Oh, yeah. It's an alright day. It could be better but it's pretty good"

"I heard about last night" he said smiling.

"What about it?" I said acting confused although I fully knew what he was talking about.

"He kissed you"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah a very quick peck. Like you know when your in sixth grade and you kiss someone and it's so quick it's over before it started?" Seth nodded his head, "Yeah, it was like that."

"But that's progress. Your getting somewhere."

I laughed, "No, getting somewhere would be kissing each other then actually talking about it. Not going back to the house, sleeping in separate rooms and then totally ignoring each other except at breakfast to put a show on for the kids."

Seth rolled his eyes, "You guys are so stubborn."

"Well sorry but when my HUSBAND sleeps with his ex girlfriend, yeah I will be stubborn and slow to forgive him."

"Well one of you has to be the mature one and say something and it's probably not going to be Edward."

"Why should it have to be me? I only kissed another guy, he fucked another girl."

"He's scared that you turn him down. You know how he is." I nodded my head.

"Seth! Ready to go?" Sam standing there waving to Seth.

"Sorry, Gotta go. I'll see you on stage. Enjoy the show." He gave me a quick hug and left to go to the stage.

I took what Seth had said into consideration and stood up to throw the rest of my sandwich away and ran to the stage.

I found Edward, "Hey, Good luck tonight."

"Thanks." he said nodding his head and smiling. Seth smiled at me and then I waved bye to them before leading the kids to the soundstage to watch the show.

The show was going really well, they sang their usual songs including the one they always sing for the kids. Everyone seemed to be having a good time and then the lights went low until there were spotlights on only the three of them.

Edward put the microphone to his mouth and began talking, "The next song we're going to sing is a song that we wrote when I was nineteen and it was never released or played anywhere." I tried to listen harder wondering what song they could be singing. "We wrote it for a friend of ours and it's about a girl that is lost, confused and doesn't feel like she is good enough for anyone. She's perfectly imperfect and all she wants is her happy ending, she's caught in between of a beautiful disaster."

The music started playing and Edward's voice rang through the building, "_she loves her momma's lemonade, hates the sounds that goodbyes make, she prays one day she'll find someone to need her, she swears there's no difference between the lies and compliments, it's all the same if everybody leaves her, and all the magazines tells her she's not good enough the pictures that she sees makes her cry_" I've never heard this song before and I can't help but wonder why.

"_She would change everything, everything, just ask her, caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, she just needs someone to take her home, she's giving boys what they want, trying to act so nonchalant, afraid to see that she's lost her direction, she never stays the same for long, assuming that she'll get it wrong, perfect only in her imperfection, she's not a drama queen, she doesn't wanna feel this way at only 19 and tired, yeah_" Something about the music, the lyrics felt like it was talking directly to me but I'd never heard it before. Without even realizing it tears fell from my eyes.

"_She would change everything for happy ever after, caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, she just needs someone to take her home, she's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's okay, she would change everything, everything, just ask her, caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, she would change everything for happy ever after, caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, she just needs someone to take her home, she just needs someone to take her home_" When Edward finished the song everyone became screaming and clapping including me with tears in my eyes and everything.

Then Edward spoke again, "I hope you get your happy ever after," and when he said it, it looked as if he was looking directly at me, only making the tears fall harder.

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**Sorry that this chapter is so short. I was going to write more but after I wrote the last sentence I figured that I should stop it there. It seemed more powerful. The song is called Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin, the original lyrics say "she doesn't wanna feel this way at only 17", but I changed it to 19 to make it fit Bella better. Bella knew the song was directed towards her, especially the line, "she gives the boys what they want"This was a long note, I probably should have explained those things in the story but oh well. Let me know what you guys think!**


	22. Chapter 22

The hardest part about faking something, especially a relationship is that you have to do it over and over again. If one day you act totally fine and normal and two weeks later you suddenly don't show up together at an award show then your in trouble. Another hard part about faking being so happy in a relationship is when that award show you have to attend together is on your wedding anniversary and the whole world knows.

Edward and I have two anniversaries, we have one in May when we got married in the Bahamas on a whim and then we have our anniversary in August when we got married in Forks and had a big wedding. Sometimes we'd celebrate both, sometimes only one. Before Edward went on tour we decided to celebrate only the August one because he would be gone during our other one and we knew he would be in Los Angeles for the August one. Except we never knew this would be the situation.

Today is no different then any other day, I woke up and made the kids breakfast. The only difference today was that I had to cook a few extra French toast for Edward, not because it is our anniversary, just because it is expected and I'm not that mean that I wouldn't cook him something when I'm already making food. I went in to work for a couple hours to get some things done so I wouldn't get behind. Then I came home and got the dress I'm supposed to wear to the award shows tonight. No where in that gap did Edward and I communicate or tell each other "Happy Anniversary". In fact I haven't even seen Edward since breakfast this morning because he's been off with the kids and I've been at work. It's sad that this is our normal day. I wonder if he even remembers.

"Hey What's up?" Rosalie asked when she came to our house to get ready for the award show.

"What's up? The fact that I have to go to this stupid award show and act perfectly happy when I'm perfectly miserable"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "It's just one more award show and then he will be gone on tour again. What's the big deal?"

I looked at her, no I glared at her. Obviously I wouldn't really expect her to remember what today is, but she could at least have a little bit of sympathy. "Never mind" I said frustrated. "Just never mind, I have to get into my damn dress"

"Why are you so grouchy?"

"I've been this way all day. I'm just tired and annoyed."

"What did Edward do this time?" she asked like she was bored or like she didn't really care at all.

"Nothing, just forget it okay?"

"Come on, you can talk to me."

"I said to just forget it alright? I don't need any more stress added on to this day."

"Why are you stressed out?" Maybe it was just my short temper, or maybe it was because I really was stressed out but for some reason I didn't have a long fuse with people today.

"Because I have to go walk down a red carpet acting like I'm so damn happy with my husband on our anniversary when we haven't said more then 5 words to each other all week!"

"I totally forgot Bella, I'm sorry" she said in a sympathetic way.

"Don't be, I don't expect people to remember."

"Has Edward said anything to you?"

I shook my head, "We haven't seen each other since he went off with the kids for the day while I had to work. We only talked a little at breakfast this morning but it was just going over plans for tonight."

"What kind of plans?"

"The kind that entail putting our acting skills to the test." Rosalie left it at that and followed me to the bedroom so we could get ready. Alice was coming over shortly and then the boys would be "picking us up" and from here we're going to head over to the show.

A couple hours later when all three of us were ready to go we waited for the boys to pick us up. "I wish they'd hurry up so we can just go and get it over with."

"Bella, can you try to not make this night miserable for everyone?" Alice asked annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry Alice. I forgot I was supposed to be the perfectly happy wife. My apologies" I snarled back.

"I'm getting really sick of your attitude Bella just because Edward and you are having relationship problems." I was about to say something but the sound of the car horn started going off.

"It's about friggen time." I said grabbing my purse and heading out of the house to the waiting car.

"Hello girls." Emmet said way to happy when we got in the car.

"Hi" I mumbled scooting in next to Edward.

"You'll have to excuse Bella tonight. She is feeling a little grumpy." I glared at Alice and then sat back in my seat.

The ride to the ride carpet was filled with chatter, none of which really concerned or included me. No one has mentioned our anniversary, not even Edward. He was always really good about these types of things, but now I'm wondering if cares or if he even remembers at all. It's probably both.

The red carpet went by quickly, followed by the award show. The boys performed and won a couple awards but unlike the Teen Choice Awards there was no kiss between Edward and I, just a hug. "Do you want to go to the after party?" Edward asked me.

"No, I think I just want to go home."

"Are you okay?" I felt like there was almost a hint of concern in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm just um tired that's all." Edward nodded his head and so we drove back to the house while the rest of them went to the after party. "You know you can go to the party, I can just go to sleep." I said when we got into the house.

"Bella," He said twirling me around to look at him, "I know what today is. I'm not stupid and I didn't forget, I know it's our anniversary."

"You remember?" I asked confused.

"Of course I remember. Why would you think I'd forget?"

"Because we don't talk anymore, we're hardly a couple anymore." I said looking down because I was afraid tears would come down if I didn't.

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Sorry Edward? Your sorry? Is that really all you have to say?" Edward suddenly looked down letting me know something was going on. "What is it Edward?"

"Can we sit down at the table?" I nodded my head and walked in to the dining room. When we were seated Edward didn't begin speaking so I had to tell him to start. "I probably shouldn't be telling you today because I know your already upset enough but"  
Edward paused and just looked at me. "What Edward? Just say it."

"They extended the tour. We're adding more dates over seas and then we're heading to Australia and New Zealand."

I let out a laugh, "Your right, I didn't want to hear this, not tonight."

"I'm sorry Bella"

"Will you stop fucking say your sorry? Sorry doesn't always cut it Edward. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because-"

"Don't lie to me because I know when your lying and I know that they wouldn't just spring this on you. You guys plan this stuff. Tell me how long you've known about this."

"A little less then a month."

"How long will you be gone?"

"We should be done by January" he said putting his head down.

I looked at Edward with tears in my eyes, "Then I hope you enjoy explaining to your children why their father that they never see as it is, won't be here for their birthdays and why your going to be gone for an extra three months because I'm not doing it."

"I'll talk to them." he said to me before I stood up from the table.

"While your at it why don't you explain to them why their father is such a coward who runs away from his problems." I bent down to look Edward at eye level. "Especially when he knows it's only going to make things worse." I began walking away from the table.

"Bella wait" he called after me. I turned around and looked at him.

"Wait for what Edward? For you to grow some balls and talk to me? Because if that's the case I'll be waiting an awfully long time."

I started walking towards the stairs again but he called out to me, "Bella stop."

"No Edward. I need to go to bed. Happy Anniversary" I said before walking up the stairs to the room for the night.

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**This chapter is kind of ehh.. Anyway, let me know what you think.**


	23. I just want Happiness

The days turned into weeks after the tearful goodbyes with Edward and the kids. After he told them the tour was being extended for a few more months they were all in hysterics. Belle was more angry then anything even though she says she understands. When it came time for Edward to leave two days later I didn't think any of the kids would actually let him go. They held on so tight when they were hugging goodbye.

Once again I'm left to do this all alone while Edward is off jet setting around the world. I know that when I agreed to date Edward that it could possibly lead to marriage and a family which would mean having him be gone a lot and having to take care of the kids, that's not the problem. The problem is that he rarely ever checks in to see how I am doing, like he doesn't care that I go to work every morning at 7 and don't get home till everyday between 5 and 6, sometimes 7 or 8 and then have to cook dinner for the kids. I know Edward works hard, but I can't help but feel like I'm working harder. I never get to get away from this life.

After Edward left I slipped back into the routine of going to lunch with James. Like before, he just makes me feel so comfortable. He listens to my problems and gives me advice. He and Seth keep pressuring me to call up Edward and talk to him but I don't think I need to anymore. I've apologized for my mistakes but Edward hasn't apologized for his. He didn't fly across the country to apologize to me, he didn't spend days apologizing and what he did was a thousand times worse. Maybe I'm just bitter, make it's time to let it all go. If he doesn't care then why should I?

"Let go of my pain to hell with my pride let it fall like rain from my eyes, Tonight I wanna cry" I sang to myself while doing dishes. While I was in the middle of singing the doorbell rang so I dried off my hands and walked to the door. When I opened it Alice was standing there.

"Hi" I said to her. We hadn't talked much since she got all pissy with me before the VMA's.

"Hi, can I come in?"

"Sure" I said opening the door wider for her to come in.

"What are you up to?"

"Doing the dishes. How about you?"

"I just came to talk to you."

"Oh yeah? About what?" I walked over to the fridge, "Want something to drink? I have Sprite" She nodded her head and I got out a can.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I acted a few weeks ago before the award show. I know your having a hard time and I guess I just got annoyed that you guys won't do anything to fix it."

"It's alright, I understand that you're pregnant and hormonal." I said causing Alice and then me to laugh.

"I feel like such a little bitch. I think I knew it was your anniversary but I didn't comprehend it. I know that it must have been hard for both of you that night," I nodded my head, "And you know that if you ever want to talk that you can call me up and I will be here in a second." She smiled at me and I smiled back and nodded my head.

"Can we talk now?" She nodded her head, "Let's go outside to the backyard." She followed me to the backyard and we took a seat at a picnic table with an umbrella over it.

"What would you like to talk about?"

"Everything. From the fact that I cheated on Edward once when I was drunk because I kissed a guy that I never technically dated and then apologized profusely for, even flying across the country to tell him and then having him hate me to him sleeping with his ex-girlfriend and not telling me at all and not apologizing. And then to the fact that he is on tour for even longer and I'm left to take care of the kids alone for even longer."

"I don't know what he was thinking when he slept with Tanya. When I found out it shocked me as much as it would shock anyone. You guys managed to pull off two award shows of acting like you were happy together and that everything was normal. I don't know how many couples that are having as many problems as you guys are that could successfully pull that off. I think it's because you two have so much chemistry and the love is just so obvious that everyone wants to believe that you guys are happy together and that everyone knows your meant to be together."

"Or we're just really good actors" I added with a laugh.

"I don't know what it is, I just know that everyone sees you guys love each other. When I met you and Edward, I was envious of your guys relationship, hell I think half of America is. You guys were best friends, had your difficulties but then realized how much you both cared for each other and dated and got married and had 3 beautiful, amazing children together. You guys seemed to have it all together."

"We did, everyone thought we were that perfect All-American family and we almost were. We almost were till he went on tour again and James came in and then the rumors started flying and everything went down hill from there. If Edward had just trusted me when I said we were just friends, if he didn't dip in to the gossip then we would be alright. His lack of trust made me think stuff that I shouldn't be thinking and I still don't know why I did what I did but I can't change it. I did everything I was supposed to do, I flew across the damn country to tell him what happened, I apologized as much as I could and then I gave him space and waited for him to come around when he never did. Instead he flew his ex girlfriend to him, never told me about it and instead I had to find out about it from some gossip website. I figured out he slept with her on my own, he never would have told me that either. How is that fair?"

"It's not fair, life isn't fair Bella."

"And all this bullshit about tour being extended? He is just running away from the problems. If he won't put in any effort to make things work then why should I have to? Why should I have to be the one to make all the efforts when I've done my job of apologizing and he hasn't done shit?"

"I don't know Bella, I don't know how Edward thinks."

"Why did I not get a say in any of this? I don't get any input about him staying on tour anymore?. I'm sure you and Rosalie were asked!" I yelled suddenly angry.

"I- I don't know Bella. Yes, Rosalie and I were aware of the situation before you knew but I don't know why you weren't asked."

"You guys knew and didn't tell me?" I turned around asking her in disbelief.

"We thought you already knew." She said looking down like she was ashamed of herself.

"That is a pathetic excuse. Who told you not to tell me? Was it Edward? Jasper? Emmet?"

"No, it wasn't like that. We only knew a couple weeks before he told you."

"A couple weeks? That is plenty of time to tell me! Did you guys not think that I have four children to take care of that miss their father more then anything in the world? Did they not deserve to know until right before their father was leaving?"

"I don't know Bella." She yelled back. "Look, I came over here to settle things between us because I felt bad for the way I acted. I didn't want to get into a shouting match, please. I just want to help." She said quieter.

"All I want is happiness because I haven't had much since this all started. I don't even care what happiness is or how I get there. I just want to get there. With or without Edward, I want, no I need it."

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**Keep those reviews coming! I'm loving them, especially when I get new commenters! (I still love the old ones to, don't worry :) ) Let me know what you think of this chapter of course :)**


	24. All we want for our birthday are

"Hey Bella, did you see this?" one of my co-workers asked me bringing in her laptop. She had open a gossip page with the title, 'Edward Cullen, 'We'll have to do it the hard way.'' Underneath it had a video of Edward at a concert, so I quickly read the blurb written below it.

_Edward Cullen performed 'The Hard Way' by Keith Urban at a concert in Rome last night. __**"Sometimes things are hard, sometimes they're easy but they're usually hard. Sometimes you've got to do things The Hard Way,"**__ Edward said before singing the song. Edward and his band have been singing random songs are random concerts, many which have to do with relationships in trouble, forgiveness or broken love. This is causing many people to speculate that Edward and his wife Bella are having relationship problems. Reports have been circulating since the Eclipse left for tour in April, also the Eclipse announced they will be extending their tour till January. However their publicist is denying that it has to do with Edward's troubled marriage, "Anything the boys are doing career wise is not effected by their personal lives. They just want to please their fans," their publicist said in a statement._

"Ugh, they are so annoying" I said after reading the article. "They always write stupid stuff."

"Do you want to see the video?" I nodded my head and she pushed play.

Like the people said he introduced it before singing, "_You've got your own way of looking at it baby, I guess that proves that I got mine, Seems like our hearts are set on say the first thing that comes to mind, It's just who we are baby, we've come too far to start over now, I know what you're thinking; I'm not always easy to be around_"

'_Your never even around_' I thought in my head as he sang.

"_But I do love you, You keep me believin' that you love me too, And I know it's true  
This love drives us crazy but nobody's walkin' away, So I guess we'll have to do it the hard way, If I had a genie in a bottle, Three wishes I could wish for us, I wish we'd live forever and get along together, Turn these tempers into trust_"

All the while Edward was singing I was dissecting the verses, we always fight but he wishes it would stop. Neither of us are walking away from the marriage even though it's causing us so many problems.

"Are you ok?" Marissa asked me after the song finished playing.

"What?" I asked confused, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just confused is all."

"About what?"

"His message in that song, I don't get what he is trying to say. That he wants to be together? That it's driving him nuts? He keeps playing all these random songs at random concerts like he's trying to send me a message or something."

"Maybe he is."

"Well it's nice and all, but I want him to talk to me."

"But music is his way of communication."

"I understand that and music can and does say a lot but actions speak louder then words and so does just talking in person."

"You guys are both way to stubborn."

"I know, maybe that's our issue." She nodded her head and then left the room, leaving me to my work which consisted of working on some stupid party for some execs at a fancy business.

You would think that my friends and employees would ignore the gossip about Edward and I but it's the opposite. If it is something like that, then they'll bring it to my attention to let me know what is being said. At times I'm grateful so I can know what is being said, but other times I think it's best if I don't know. It's hard though because it's everywhere. I don't think they purposely go looking for it all the time, but it's just always on our homepages. It's always right there in the open, it's impossible to escape.

I think that is part of the problem, the fact that I can never escape the problems that surround me in my life. Sometimes when I go out I just want to forget what is going on in my life, but it's impossible for me to do because if there is paparazzi then they will ask me questions about it. It makes me bitter towards everything going on, at least more bitter then I am.

I'm surprised there wasn't suspicion raised while Edward was here in August. The only time we went out together was at the award shows and out to eat once with the kids. Other then that we were not seen out together. I just don't understand how no one has caught on to that yet. They're just starting to now catch on that he keeps singing all these random songs that "could possibly relate to his relationship problems."

After I picked up the kids from school we headed back to the house for the night. Some nights I hate going back to the house because it just reminds me that Edward isn't here; and after the kids go to bed it is only me left and the house is always dark and quiet. Other nights I love going back to the house because it reminds me of the life that I have, or once had. I never knew pictures on the wall could make me so happy and so sad at the same time, looking at them makes me feel so blessed but makes me want to cry thinking about how Edward and I aren't like that. How we really aren't the perfect family we portray to be. Sometimes looking at the pictures can make me break into a smile, tonight it can make me break down in to tears.

As we sat around the table eating our dinner I decided to ask Arabelle and Amia what they wanted for their birthdays that are only a month away.

"So girls, what would you like for your birthday?"

Amia spoke first, "To spend it with you and Daddy", then she looked up at Arabelle who then spoke.

"And for you guys to act like you love each other, like old times." I almost choked on my chicken at her words. They're both so young but so intelligent. They are certainly not oblivious to what is going on around them.

"Have you talked to your father about this?" I asked them.

They both shook their heads, "We figured you would. We don't know where he is going to be." Arabelle

I let out a big breath of air, "You don't know where he is going to be? Do you guys want him to come back home to L.A or go to Forks and see Grammy and Grandpa or did you want to fly to wherever Daddy is?"

They both shook their heads, "We want to go to where he is."

"Do you want all of us to go?" They nodded their heads. "Alright, I guess I'll talk to him." The girls had satisfied smiles on their faces and went back to pleasantly eating their meals, thinking nothing more of the subject. While I spent the rest of dinner trying to think of the phone call I have to have with Edward.

After dinner while the kids were doing their homework I figured it'd be best to slip outside to the backyard and call Edward to get it over with.

I dialed his number and on the forth ring he answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, It's Bella."

"I know, what's up?"

"Nothing the kids are doing their homework. What are you up to?" This conversation was going well.

"Just hanging out in the hotel."

"Did I call to late?"

"No, that's fine. What do you need?"

"It's about the girls birthday's. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they want us to all fly out and spend it with you, wherever you are."

"Ok

"Where are you going to be?"

"When?"

"During their birthdays obviously"

"No shit but before Amia's? Between both of their birthdays?"

"I don't know, how about between."

"I think we're going to be in either Germany, Ireland or Italy."

"Ok, well do you think this is a possibility?"

"Of course, anything for the kids. Are you coming?"

I laughed nervously, "Yeah, that's the other part of their wish, they say and I quote want to spend it with You and Daddy and we want you guys to act like you love each other like old times."

"They said that?"

"Yup" I said emphasizing the 'p' at the end.

"Wow" was all he said, "I'll find out for sure where we are going to be and call you tomorrow."

"Ok, bye."

"Bye." Edward said and then the line went dead, telling me the call was finished.

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**This chapter = kind of lame. But oh well, let me know what you think anyways. And, there will be at least 2 more chapters left, but may be more. Depends on how I feel.. :)**


	25. Not Meant to be

"Please put your seats forward and fasten your seat belts as we begin descending." The flight attendant said over the intercom, causing my stomach to flutter with nerves.

"Does everyone have their seat belts on?" I asked looking at all the kids, who all already had their belts fastened.

The time finally came and we were less then an hour away from seeing the guys, that includes Edward. We decided to come around the time of Thanksgiving, instead of them all flying back to the states so we will be with them for a week. We're flying into Rome currently and to say that each time the ground looks closer and closer, my stomach flutters a little more would be an understatement. To say I'm scared shitless and my nerves are coming out of my stomach, would be a correct assumption. Edward and I talked a lot these last couple weeks, mainly for the purpose of planning this trip and despite everything we've managed to be civil to each other, not fighting _that _much.

"Are you guys getting excited?" I asked the kids and they all shook their heads with big smiles on their faces. They haven't seen the guys since the end of August and so this trip makes them even more excited. The fact that they get to spend a whole week with their father, that is nearly uninterrupted. The boys only have to do three concerts, one tonight, one tomorrow and one the next night but after that there is a break. Alice, Rosalie and the kids also flew in with us, as well as Carlisle and Esme. My family is flying in the day before Thanksgiving when we will be in Barcelona.

Soon enough our plane landed and pulled up to the gate and even quicker we were walking off the terminal into the airport. "Alright, let's get our luggage." Esme said walking towards the location we were told. I held on to Ariella and Aiden's hands who then grabbed Amia and Arabelle's hands as we walked through the airport. With all of us together, it looks like we could have a miniature team or something.

Thirty minutes later we were arriving at our hotel, which was surrounded with fans waiting to catch a glimpse of the boys. We had a couple cars and when we pulled up the screams only got louder, thinking it was the boys and not just us. When we got out they screamed a little for us but we just all walked inside past them, only waving to them. We couldn't be complete bitches to them.

Once we were inside the hotel we checked in and went up to our rooms to put our stuff down before heading to the venue where the guys and band were already at, preparing for tonight's concert. "When are we seeing Dad?" Amia asked me.

"In a few minutes, we're leaving now for the venue." I said as we prepared to leave the room. "Let's go." We all left our rooms and made our way downstairs where the cars were waiting to bring us to the venue.

"Are you excited Mommy?" Amia asked me.

"I'm very excited Amia." I said, which isn't a complete lie. I am excited, I'm excited to see Emmet and Jasper and the band and the jury is still out about Edward, I think the jury will be out on that for a while.

The venue was only a few minutes from the hotel so we were there in no time. The kids nearly ran out of the car before it even parked, I had to run to catch up to them because they were going crazy. I thought the boys might be waiting for us in the parking lot but they weren't, so I figured they were in side getting ready to do their sound check.

When we got in to the venue we could here the guys talking in the hall so we all walked to find them. When the kids spotted them they all ran and yelled and bombarded them, they all leaned down to give the kids a hug and kiss.

After Edward stood up from the kids he looked at me and walked over to me and gave me a hug. "Hey, how was the flight?"

"It was long, but good."

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm glad you guys are here."

"Me too."

I thought Edward was going to say something else but he was whisked away by the stage manager for him to go on stage for sound check. "You guys hang right next to the stage!" Emmet called as he walked away. On Emmet's wishes we walked over near the stage and watched as they went on the stage and the girls ear shattering screams filled the arena.

They sang some songs before Emmet grabbed the microphone and began talking. "Since we're in Rome and we love Rome" Emmet said causing loud screams, "We have some people that are very special to us that we would like you to meet." Alice, Rosalie and I looked at each other confused.

"I hope they're not doing what I think they're doing. I look like a balloon." Alice said looking down at her stomach.

"Guys can you come out here please?" Emmet said waving us to the stage. We reluctantly slowly began coming out and all the fans started screaming, Aiden was covering his ears causing us to laugh as we began walking out. "Come here" Emmet said waving us to the center of the stage.

"Everyone I'd like you to meet our families, this is my wife Rosalie, my daughter Madison and my son Braidon, can you wave Braidon?" He waved and everyone 'awed' making us all laugh. Emmet passed the microphone off to Jasper next.

"This is my wife Alice and our baby." Jasper said rubbing Alice's belly, making everyone aw again. Jasper passed the microphone to Edward for him to take his turn.

"I guess I got saved for last because my family is the biggest or just the cutest"

"Hey!" Emmet called out.

"I'm just kidding, anyway. This is oldest daughter Arabelle, but we call her Belle for short, this is my second oldest Amia and she is just called Amia or Mia, and these are the twins Aiden and Ariella, who we just call Ella. Can you guys all wave to everyone?" The kids waved and the audience waved back. "And this is my wife Bella." Edward said and I waved to everyone and that was it.

"They are all here visiting to celebrate Belle and Amia's birthdays and we're going to celebrate Thanksgiving together!" Emmet said enthusiastically. A girl in the audience kept putting her hand up really high and she was in the front row so Emmet called on her. "Do you have a question?"

"For Edward and Bella" My attention perked up at the sound of my name, "Why do all of your kids have a name that starts with an A?"

I looked at Edward who shrugged his shoulders, "Do you want to answer Bella?" he said handing me the microphone.

"Edward was actually the one to name Amia and so when we had the twins we were trying to come up with names and we decided to look for names that began with an A that we liked and it worked out. No real major reason why." The fan nodded her head satisfied.

"Alright everyone say goodbye to our families while we play some more songs. What do you say?" The crowd screamed and we all hugged the boys goodbye, Edward and I hugging for our 'act' we have to put on when we are in public and then we left the stage to watch from the side.

As we stand in the middle of the arena, surrounded by thousands of fans at the sold out show, everyone has their focus on the stage where they just got done playing their song "Misery"

"This next one is a song we wrote for our upcoming album!" Edward said into the microphone. "It's called Not Meant To Be!" I shot a look at Rosalie and she shrugged her shoulders. I haven't heard many songs from this new album but I've heard a couple. This does not sound like one that could be good.

The guitar and drums started off as I eagerly waited for someone to start singing, begging it to not be Edward but I was in no such luck because soon enough his voice began ringing through the arena. _"It's never enough to say I'm sorry, It's never enough to say I care, But I'm caught between what you, Wanted from me, and knowing, If I give that to you, I might just disappear, Nobody wins when everyone's losing, Oh, it's like, One step forward and two steps back, No matter what I do you're always mad. And I can't change your mind."_

I stared at Edward as he sang and once again it seemed like he was staring directly at me. Like he was singing it to me and telling me these were his thoughts and feelings._"Trying to turn around on a one way street, I can't give you what you want, And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see, Maybe we're not meant to be." _The last line was like a knife in my stomach, a dagger through my heart. What is that supposed to mean? A few shows again he was singing a song about forgiveness and heartbreak, now he is telling me we're not meant to be?

_"It's never enough to say I love you, No it's never enough to say I try, It's hard to believe that there's, No way out for you and me, And it seems to be, The story of our life, Nobody wins when everyone's losing."_ The story of our life? That we're fighting? That I'm always mad? There is no way out for me and him, is that because of the kids? All these thoughts keep racing through my mind as I try to listen to the lyrics.

When he repeated the chorus again and heard "_**Maybe we're not meant to be**_" it stung as bad as the first time. Although he was walking around the stage I could still see him looking at me, looking directly at me. _"There's still time to turn this around, Should we be building this up, Instead of tearing it down, But I keep thinking, Maybe it's too late."_ Is he saying he thinks we can still make things work and try to make things better instead of just continuously making them worse? Or is he saying that he thinks it's already too late to do anything, that we're already failing.

_"It's like one step forward, And two steps back, No matter what I do, You're always mad and I, Can't change your mind, oh, It's like tryin to turn around, On a one way street."_ I got so caught up in my thoughts that I almost missed the ending of the song, _"I can't give you what you want, And it's killing me and I, I finally see, Baby we're not meant to be."_ Baby now I see we're not meant to be? Does that mean he's made up his decision? How can he just keep saying these things in concert in front of me? Does he want to make things worse?

I used all my strength to not cry and to not run out of the arena for the kids. This is what Arabelle and Amia wanted for their birthday, for Edward and I to act like we are happy, like we used to be. I never would have run out of the venue crying, so I'm not going to tonight. No matter what Edward does to me, I'm not going to break.

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**This chapter was iffy but let me know what you think anyway. The song is 'Not Meant To Be' by Theory of a Deadman. I suggest you go listen to it. I love it :) So, there will probably be at least three, maybe four or 5 more chapters left in this story!**


	26. Talk

When we got back to the hotel after the concert Edward and I put the kids to bed and when we were both in the living room area it was silent. "Did you enjoy the concert?" Edward asked me and I just stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

"I was having a great time until you sang that song."

"What song?"

"What do you mean what song? That Not Meant To be Song! What the hell was that about Edward? What kind of thing was that?"

"It was a song Bella."

"A song that you sang at me, why do you keep singing these songs when I'm around or when you know I'm going to see them?"

"What do you mean?"

"What the fuck do you think I mean Edward? You sing 'The Hard Way', 'You'll Think Of Me', and I don't even know what the hell else. Then you sing songs about forgiveness and then you go and sing some song like that?"

"Bella"

"No Edward, I'm so sick of you singing all these damn songs but never talking to me! Why won't you talk to me instead of singing all these songs that make no sense because your sending so many damn different messages that I can't figure out anything!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to make an effort, your singing these songs about giving up and how we're not meant to be but your not even making an effort!"

"I'm on tour! What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"You could call me up and say oh I don't know, I'm sorry for fucking my ex-girlfriend? I mean I figured you'd at least have enough decency to at least TELL me what happened, but NO. I had to figure it out all by myself."

"We're really still fighting about this?"

I looked at Edward in disbelief again, "Still fighting about this? Yes Edward, we're still fighting about this because you're an ass. I've gotten one apology from you, ONE. You got endless from me."

"I'm sorry alright? But shouldn't YOU be the sorry one?"

"Sorry for what?"

"Because your made out with a guy and you still hang out with him on a daily basis?"

"We're friends and nothing has happened. I would tell you and you know that."

"How can I be so sure?"

"I flew across the country to tell you before, why would I not tell you now?"

"I don't know, I just. You know I have trust issues."

"Yeah and you know damn as well that I have my own issues with trust and everything. Do we need to review how long it took me to finally even allow you to get close to me again?"

"No but can I talk to you about something now?" I looked at Edward and saw that his demeanor had changed and so I nodded my head. "Alright, you want me to talk about something, so here I'm talking about something."

"Ok, go on." I urged.

"Clearly you and I are having a lot of issues because we can hardly even have a conversation without yelling at each other," I nodded my head in agreement, "And I think the kids are catching on."

"Oh really? I never guessed."

"Stop acting bitchy for a second please?" I nodded my head, "Maybe it'd be best if we take a break." I looked at Edward for a second to see if he was being serious. A break?

"Edward, what do you call this that we've been doing? As far as I'm concerned we've been on a five month break and things aren't getting any better."

"So what? You want a separation? A divorce?"

"No, I do not want a separation or a divorce. I want things to be better, I want things to be the way they used to. You changed me Edward, you made me a better person. I'm the way I am today because you loved me. If it weren't for you, I don't even know where I'd be. You taught me how to love again after I thought I couldn't love anyone else."

"But"

"But things can not get better until you apologize and act like a man and grow some balls and talk to me. We can't keep doing this not calling each other, ignoring one another when we are together and acting like we're happy for your image because that is just twisted."

"Twisted? How is that twisted?"

"Because we're lying to the media, the public, your fans but most importantly we're lying to ourselves and our family. How can you not see that that is twisted?"

"Then why did you do it?"

"I did it for your brothers."

"For my brothers but not for me?"

"Your brothers shouldn't be brought down with the drama of our marriage if people found out what was really happening. If it would "ruin" your career. Why should they have to suffer because you can't keep it in your pants?"

"Why do you always say stuff like that Bella?"

"Stuff like what?"

"Because I can't keep it in my pants. Did you ever hear the term forgive and forget?"

"You expect me to forgive and forget that you had sex with another girl when you can't even forgive and forget me for kissing someone? How is that even fair? Why is the blame placed on me for all of this?"

"Because you started it, you kissed James first and if you never did then I never would have slept with Tanya. It's that simple."

"It's that simple huh?" Edward nodded his head, "How do I know you didn't have some thing going on with her behind my back? You just happened to call up your random ex-girlfriend from like eight years ago and had her fly half way across the country so you could sleep with her to get back at me? Just your random ex-girlfriend. You really expect me to believe that?"

"I chose the one that would get the most rise out of you. I never expected to sleep with her, at the most I figured we'd make out but things got carried away because we were drinking."

"If you wanted to get the most rise out of me you would have called up Irina because you know you even being near her would have set me off. I could have cared less about Tanya, you guys dated so long ago. Why would I even care? And the fact that you figured you'd make out at the most is just sick. Your obviously the one that needs help in this relationship and not me."

"I apologized, I can only do so much."

"If your really sorry then why don't you write a damn song about how your sorry? Not about how you think we're not meant to be and shit."

"We wrote that song when I was upset."

"And you just had to sing it now? And by the way, singing a song about being sorry won't make-up for what you've done."

Edward rubbed his head in his hands, "So what are you saying you want to do? You want to take a break? You want to work things out and get back together? What?"

I thought about things for a second. Edward and I were finally talking in a relatively mature manner , I've wanted this for months but now it just feels weird. "There are two things I'm positive about. I love the kids and want to do anything possible for them and I love you and I want to try to make things work" I wiped some stray tears from my cheeks, "Eventually" I looked into Edward's eyes, "But I don't think anything is going to get better until you get back from tour."

"But I won't be back till January."

I nodded my head, "I know but I can't keep doing this long distance thing. This isn't something that we can solve tonight and magically be better. This has been a long battle and we can't just surrender over night. And who knows, maybe between now and January feelings with change, maybe we'll realize your song was right and " I wiped some more tears from my eyes as I spoke quietly enough to not wake the kids. "Maybe we're not meant to be." I looked at Edward who wiped a couple tears from his eyes. This whole night is a mess.

"And then what?"

"What do you mean and then what? If it doesn't work out then it's obviously not meant to. Maybe this is God's way of testing us, testing our relationship. To see if we'll fall or overcome our issues. If we survive it then we could probably survive anything and if we don't. Then it doesn't mean we're weak, it means we're strong enough to let go."

"And then we'd give up just like that?"

I laughed a little, "You know twenty minutes ago you were asking if we should take a break and now your acting like that never happened. Let's not think about that, let's just work on getting past this week. The girls want us to act like we're happy again and you know we may not be happy with each other but like I said, for my kids I will do anything. Even if that means acting like we still want to be together."

Edward nodded his head, "Just one last thing."

"Yeah?"

"Stop hanging out with James."

I looked up at Edward, "James is my best friend Edward. I'm not giving him up, he is one of the only things that keeps me sane during long days at work. If I didn't have him, I don't know if I would have been strong to make it this far." Edward just nodded his head and got up to walk into the bedroom.

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**Hmmm... You all wanted some kind of interaction with Edward and Bella and so here it finally was. :) Let me know what you think!**


	27. Whatever it Takes

"Pwesents!" Amia called when she saw all the presents sitting on the floor of living room in the hotel.

"Hold on a second. We have to wait for everyone to come in." I said to her and she pouted. My family flew in earlier today and Edward and I decided it would be a good time to do presents, when everyone was here. We are in Barcelona and the boys have a concert tonight and then a couple days off for Thanksgiving.

"Hurry Grammy! I wanna open pwesants!" Amia said pulling on to my mothers hand and dragging her to the huge pile of presents. Edward and I got them some big gifts this year, I think partially because we felt bad for all the drama that has been going on. I'm not sure what everyone else has gotten for them. Some of Amia's presents were so big that we couldn't bring them with us on the trip, but all of Arabelle's are here.

"I'm coming honey." My Mom laughed taking a seat on the couch with Amia on her lap. Everyone else followed suite, taking seats on the couches and in chairs piled around the big pile.

"Alright, is everyone here?" Edward asked.

"Yeah" everyone shouted.

"Ok, Bella, where did I put the other camera?"

"Over there" I said pointing to the counter. He nodded his head and walked over and grabbed it. After our talk Edward and I have been civil to each other, but nothing more. We haven't gotten to the 'I love you' part again. "Do you want to open a present together or go one at a time?"

"Together!" They both said. I nodded my head and tried to find a gift for both of them, handing them both gifts from my parents.

"These are from Grammy and Grampie"

The girls both quickly dug through them, both pulling out kid digital cameras.

"Aw, those are so cute." I said examining them.

"Hold them up girls and smile" I heard Edward say, the girls posed for a picture.

Next up, they got a bunch of clothes from Edward's parents, Amia got some barbies from them also. Arabelle got a couple video games as well. From Jasper and Alice, Arabelle got a movie she's been wanting for a long time plus clothes and a little make-up kit. Amia got clothes, a movie and more barbies. Emmet and Rosalie got Arabelle and Amia a really high tech karaoke machine with a bunch of CD's.

"This one is from me and Daddy" I said handing the girls each a present. "Amia you open yours first."

Amia ripped open her present, displaying a Portable Kids DVD Player that she looks at every time we went in to the store. She started screaming in delight and jumped up to give us both hugs.

"Now you can watch all your movies!" I said to her and she shook her head. I took a picture of her and then turned my attention to Arabelle, who opened her present and displayed a Nintendo DS, causing her to smile.

"Thank you Mom and Dad!" she gave me and Edward a hug.

"You know, I never realize just how hard it is to find those things that are normal. Everywhere I went it either had Hannah Montana or One Direction face stuck on it. It was so creepy." I said causing everyone to laugh.

"Aw, you didn't want Miley's face on the DS all the time?"

"I don't know how she'd react to that, it freaks her out enough that they have posters of her." Even though Hannah Montana ended years ago they still sell Hannah Montana merchandise, although it is less abundant then it used to be, there is still quite a bit of it.

"This one is from your Mom and I" Edward handed Amia a present and she opened it. It was a picture of a big Barbie Doll House.

"Where is it?" she asked confused.

"It's at the house, it was too busy to bring with us." I responded.

"I can't play with it now?" I shook my head and she pouted.

"A couple more days sweetheart" Edward said playing with her hair. Afterwards, Arabelle opened her Ipod. Why does an eight year old need an ipod? Because when your whole family is in the music industry, your children become obsessed.

"Alright, we have one more present for each of you." Edward said handing an Amia a box, "Jasper, can you get Belle's for me?" Jasper nodded his head and walked into our bedroom to get Arabelle's last gift. Jasper returned, hiding it behind his back. "Arabelle, do you want to go first now?" She shook her head. "Close your eyes."

Arabelle closed her eyes and Jasper walked around and placed her present in front of her. "Open them" Jasper said. When she opened her eyes, her mouth went wide in happiness. She got her very first guitar, just right for her.

"You got me a guitar?" We all nodded and smiled. "Thank you thank you thank you" she said running up to us and devouring us in a hug. She has been wanting one for a long time so she can learn how to play, but she always had difficulty playing the ones we have because they were too big for her.

"Ok Amia, your turn." She opened up the box and displayed another picture, a picture of a Baby Piano.

"Piano?" she said and we nodded our heads.

"It's back home in Los Angeles, but its all yours." Amia jumped up in excitement and hugged both of us, she loves to play the piano. Jasper always plays with her. The girls posed for pictures with their presents.

"Alright guys, time to head to the venue. We're going to eat birthday cake there." We got the kids ready and all headed to the venue. Once there we ate birthday cake and hung around while the boys did their sound check.

That night at the concert, all of our family was watching it together. I was only imagining what stunt Edward would pull tonight, if he'd sing a song to bash me, apologize or just ignore me. Last night he didn't sing anything. I didn't think Edward would be singing anything either, until the cue happened. The lights went low and I knew it was coming.

"People make mistakes and even though you want to take those mistakes back sometimes, you can't. As much as we wish we could time travel and change things, we can't. We have to deal with the consequences, no matter how bad they may be. Sometimes we have to step up and be the best we can be to make it work. Sometimes saying sorry isn't enough, but it's a start. This one is called Whatever It Takes, because sometimes you just have to do whatever it takes to make things better." Edward spoke with ease.

"_A strangled smile fell from your face , It kills me that it hurts you this way , The worst part is that I didn't even know , There's a million reasons for you to go , But if you can find a reason to stay , I'll do whatever it takes , To turn this around , I know what's at stake, I know that I've let you down , And if you give me a chance , Believe it I can change, I'll keep us together whatever it takes_" Edward sang the soft rock ballad while his brothers and band backed him up with the music.

"_She said if you're gonna make this work , You gotta let me inside even though it hurts Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see , She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be, You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me , I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around, I know what's at stake, I know that I've let you down  
And if you give me a chance, And give me a break, I'll keep us together_" I began to feel the tears form in my eyes at the words coming from Edward's mouth but I held back the urge to cry in front of the whole family.

"_I know that you deserve much better, remember the time I told you the way that I felt, that I'd be lost without you, never find myself, let's hold on to each other above everything else, start over, start over_" Maybe I do deserve much better but that doesn't mean I want much better. But starting over just isn't an answer. "_I'll do whatever it takes  
To turn this around, I know what's at stake, I know that I've let you down, And if you give me a chance, Believe that i can change ,I'll keep us together whatever it takes_" Edward finished the song and put his head down.

"But fixing things takes two people" Edward said in to the microphone causing me to get butterflies in my stomach. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed him say it, but no one even moved. Fixing things takes two people, because I'm definitely not doing my part, right? "I can't do it with out you."

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**This chapter is just blah. Anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks for all the reviews last chapter :) Lets get some more! P.S: The Song is 'Whatever It Takes' by Lifehouse. Amazing song**


	28. You Never Fail To Amaze Me

_**The truth will always find it's way out, so Edward Cullen and wife Bella have learned. The pair who refuted all reports of marriage problems a few months ago and then lead everyone to believe they were in fact fine at award shows this summer, really do not have it all together like they made it seem.**_

_**Although Bella along with the couple's children, Arabelle, Amia, Ariella and Aiden have been spotted throughout the week in Europe alongside Edward, a source is saying that the trip was definitely not Bella's choice. In fact, she didn't even want to go at all!**_

_**"They've been having a lot of trouble since Edward left on tour. The kids finally caught on and they've been having a hard time with everything going on, especially with Edward being gone for eight months straight. The trip to Europe were the girls idea, for Arabelle and Amia; that is what they wanted for their birthday. Bella and Edward put on happy faces for the kids." said a source close to the couple.**_

_**Are they planning on getting a divorce? "Divorce hasn't even been brought up yet, they're sort of separated right now, but mainly because of the tour. The distance this time has been extremely hard on the both of them. But whatever happens they both just want the kids to be happy."**_

_**It was only a matter of time before Edward Cullen' wife, Bella had her dirty laundry aired out for everyone to see. Bella Cullen' "ex-best friend", Jessica will be coming out with a book early next month (just in time for the holiday season of course!) titled, "The Not So Innocent Girl Next Door". The title is said to come from the fact that Edward and Bella met when they were next door neighbors in Forks.**_

_**The book will tell stories about, how the girls met, Bella's issues with alcohol and "excessive partying", past relationships and the story about how the girls "went from sisters to enemies within a month".**_

_**We think we smell a hit! The Cullen' family have worked hard to hold up their near perfect images, so some dirt on Bella will liven up the situation. Everyone wants the good stuff.**_

Things will always come crashing down eventually, it is inevitable. You can't hide the truth, especially in Hollywood. People will stab you in the back, sell your stories and do whatever they can to get their fifteen minutes worth of fame. All these hidden "sources close to the couple or family" come up and it leaves you wondering who are your real friends and who are your friends only to screw you over in the end.

I found out this morning that Jessica is coming out with a book about our friendship, but mostly about me and that it comes out next month. I'm sure this is only her way of getting back at me for refusing to plan her wedding. She just wants to get a rise out of me and hurt me, and it does hurt me that she would even stoop this low. Either that or she is just desperate for money and figured this would be the easiest way to get some.

When the book comes out I'll probably have to explain some things, but maybe the book could end up helping other girls that are in the same situation that I was in.

My phone started ringing telling me I had a phone call, I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Edward calling. "Hello?"

"Hey, how are you?"

"Good, how are you?"

"I'm good"

"That's good"

"Yeah, so I assume you've heard about Jessica?"

"If your referring to the book, then yes I have"

"Is that all your going to say?"

"What is there to say?"

"How she is totally disrespecting you? How she has no right to do this?"

"Edward, she obviously either just really wants attention or needs money or wants revenge on me for not planning her wedding. If she desperately needs money or attention then who am I to stand in her way? And if she is getting revenge, then that is pathetic, but she always was a little immature."

"Your not mad at all?"

"Of course I'm upset but all this. We were best friends for a really long time and the fact that she is stabbing me in the back like this obviously hurts but I've thought about it and it could work out in the end."

"How so?"

"They said she is talking about my past relationships and my old partying ways and problems with alcohol right?"

"Yeah, that is what you should be upset about. Those are your secrets and you should be the one to tell people."

"Your right, they are my secrets but they are probably a hundred of other girls secrets too"

"I don't think I understand what your getting at"

"You remember how I was when we first met? I partied all the time, slept with guy after guy trying to feel wanted right? Always too afraid to get attached?"

"Yeah, you were in pretty deep."

"Exactly. Maybe there will be hundreds of girls out there that read the book and see that they aren't alone. That I went through the same thing and that good really can come out of that and maybe it'll give them hope. I mean, I'll probably have to make a statement or something saying that the stuff is true, but if it helps other girls get through what I went through then that is ok. No one should have to go through what I went through."

"This is why I fell in love with you Bella, you never failed to amaze me."

I laughed awkwardly, "Thanks. But I'm sure she is going to write about me and you and us hooking up and everything. Are you angry about that?"

"I was, but that was what got us where we are today, so I guess I can't be angry having everyone know about how we got together."

"Yeah, your right." I smiled to myself. After our talk Edward and I can at least act civil to each other, we aren't back to how we used to be. But we are civil to each other and for right now that is ok. Maybe it'll go back to normal eventually, but for right now just being civil with each other is fine.

"I'm sorry to cut this short. I just wanted to check in with you and make sure you know about what is going on."

"Alright" I got ready to say bye then I remembered one more thing, "Wait, one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"The media"

Edward cut me off, "I saw that story too but I didn't want to upset you anymore. Are you upset about that?"

"I just wish I knew who the source was, but its nothing different. I guess it is the truth."

"Yeah" Edward's voice trailed off.

"Alright, just checking to make sure you knew. I'll talk to you later. Have a good concert."

"Alright, thanks. Tell the kids I'll call them later. Bye"

"Bye." I hung up the phone and walked out to the patio, where the kids were playing in the yard while James watched them.

"Hey" he said when he saw that I walked outside.

"Hey, that was Edward on the phone."

"Yeah? What'd he have to say."

"He just wanted to make sure I knew about the book and everything."

"Oh, he cares?" I gave James a stern look, "Sorry, I'm just surprised, but then again it might ruin his perfect reputation too."

"No, I think he did care. But I told him that it could turn out and be a good thing and could help other girls and that it'll all be worth it in the end." James looked at me and smiled. "What?"

"You just never fail to amaze me." he said pulling me in closer to him to give me a hug.

"Yeah, that's what I've heard" I said quietly.

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**Let me know what you guys think! And thank you to all the reviews :)**


	29. The Ultimatum

Edward came back home from two months ago. Ever since he came back w have been walking on egg shells around each other, talk mostly only when necessary, sleep in separate bedrooms and generally are not at the house at the same times. When I'm there he's usually out with the kids or at the studio or at Emmet or Jasper's house and when he is there I'm usually out working or spending time with friends.

Alice had a healthy baby girl named Candice Marie about seven weeks ago. All of the kids have already fallen in love with their baby cousin, Arabelle loves to hold her and act like she is her baby sister. Alice and Jasper have both been freaking out because they're new parents but both Rosalie and I have been trying to calm their nerves telling them everything will be ok.

Angela's wedding is in two months and the majority of the planning is complete and everything has come together really well. Right now, everything in my life seems to be going well, minus the thing with Edward but that isn't as bad as it used to be. After we had that talk in Europe things have gotten a little better, we're at least civil to each other now.

Tonight, the kids are staying at Emmet and Rosalie's so that Edward and I can talk. He is at the studio right now, but he should be home in a couple minutes. With each minute I begin getting even more anxious. This talk could determine the future that lies ahead for Edward and I. We have to make the choice of continuing to try and make this thing get better or give up and get divorced and become another Hollywood stereotyped couple, another statistic.

I heard the front door shut and Edward take off his caught and shoes before making his way into where I'm sitting in the kitchen. "Hey" he said when he saw me sitting at the table.

"Hey, how was the studio?"

"Really well. I think we have some really good songs for the album."

"Did you get a lot done today?"

"Yeah, we worked really well today. It was awesome, it felt so good to be back in the studio again after being on the road for so long."

"I bet." I watched as Edward walked to the fridge to get something to drink, "The kids are already at Emmet and Rosalie's so we can talk."

"Ok, when do you want to talk?"

"Whenever your ready I guess. Sooner we do it, the sooner we get it over with."

"Right now?"

"Uh, sure" I said closing the top on my laptop.

"Den or right here?"

"The table is fine I guess." I pushed away the papers I was working on so Edward could sit down. He sat down but didn't say anything, "So" I said to push the conversation forward.

"Well, let's get this over with." he said, not in a way that sounded like he was rushing, just in a way that told me he didn't want to be having this conversation anymore then I did.

"Ok, I don't really know who to start this off." I said unsure of myself.

"How about we talk about what's been going on since we last discussed this?"

"Ok that can work, but other then this conversation, nothing else has really be going on. We're not making any progress it seems like."

"Is that how you feel?"

"Yeah? I mean we're not sleeping in the same room and we hardly talk except when it's necessary or when we want to make the kids think things are fine. Do you think that's progress?"

"No I don't but it also doesn't help that we are both really busy."

"Right, but we can make time to try and work things out, there are times when I'm sitting at the house watching television while your out with your friends when you could be here talking to me or something."

"Yeah and there are times when your not here because your off with James or Melissa or some other friend when you could be here trying to make things work."

"So now the blame is on me?"

"I never said that. I just said that we're both to blame for not making the time, but it's not like your trying to make any big changes in your life style to make it look like your willing to make this work."

"Really? How is that?"

"You hang out with James a lot or work till six or seven at night at work."

"I'm at work because I have a lot to do, I'm constantly busy. You of all people should know that concept."

"I do understand that concept, but you could bring your work home and do it here."

I let out a laugh to try and hide the frustration in me, "Bring my work home? I do bring my work home Edward. What do you think all of this stuff is right here?" I said pointing to the papers that were all over the table. "I left work at five today after almost nine hours and I still brought stuff home to do! I hardly get stuff done when I'm home because I have to take care of the kids because your rarely here to take care of them."

"I'm here a lot taking care of those kids when they aren't in school."

"Really? Do you know what Arabelle got on her spelling test the other day?"

"Sure, she got a B."

"No, she got an A plus."

"Well she never told me."

"Yes she did, but you were too busy thinking about the album or something probably. I was sitting right here when she told you over dinner the other night."

"So now this is about the album? Things haven't been improving because I've been at the studio working on the album?"

"Your rarely home unless you have to be because I'm working. You don't spend too much extra time with the kids and you certainly don't hang around here."

"You would rather me just hang around the house and do nothing when I could be at the studio working on an album which will sell which will make money which allows you and the kids to have this kind of lifestyle."

"Why do you always use that line?"

"What line?"

"The 'I have to work this hard to make all this money so that you and the kids can have this kind of lifestyle' line. You've been using that one forever and it's getting really damn old."

"Well it's true, I am the primary money maker in this household."

"Yeah because your in the entertainment business, you make millions of dollars a year. But it's not as if I'm sitting on my ass doing nothing all day."

"I know you work hard! I never said you didn't"

I got pissed off a Edward and slammed my hand down on the table, "See damn it! This is why we don't get anywhere. This is why we still fucking hate each other, because everything we do resorts in a fight about some stupid shit like who works harder or who makes more money. This shouldn't be about it. That has NOTHING to do with our relationship. Unless your trying to imply that I only married you for the money."

Edward's faced changed immediately, "That's not that I'm trying to say." he said carefully, "I know your not like that. But you attacked me, saying that I wasn't there for the kids and I felt like I had to defend myself."

I looked at Edward for a second, no progress has been made since our last talk. We still fight and we can't work out our problems. We're dysfunctional. "Let's just forget about it alright? Let's just talk about making me and you work or if you really want to even make it work. Tell me how you feel."

Edward looked me in the eyes, "I love you with all my heart. You're the girl of my dreams and the mother of my children. I never would have married you if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you. You made me grow up and you gave me the best gift in the world. I don't want to loose that" Edward took my hand, "Now tell me how you feel."

"I can't say you were my first love because you weren't, but you were my second. After Mike died, I didn't think I'd ever love another guy again. I did everything wrong, I got depressed, became a slut and everything you'd never want your daughter to come. I was so afraid of getting close to someone and that's why when we hooked up at that party I pushed you away. I got scared because I knew I had feelings for you and it scared the crap out of me. But you showed me you wouldn't leave me, you stuck by me and never let go."

I didn't take my eyes off of Edward for the entire time I spoke, "You not only told me you loved me but you showed me too. You were perfect to me, you changed me for the better and showed me that life and love could exist after Mike. You made me who I am today and I'm so so grateful for that and I don't want to loose you because you mean so much to me." I paused for a second, "But at the same time I can't keep letting you hurt me. I've tried so hard to make this work but it seems like your not putting in any effort." I took my hand away from Edward's to wipe away a couple tears that fell from my eyes.

"I'm trying to put in the effort but every time all I can think about is you kissing James and it kills me."

"That shouldn't even matter any more Edward. You had sex with another woman. Don't you think that that hurts?"

"I'm sure it does hurt but I don't talk to her anymore. Your still friends with James."

"What does that have to do with anything? It was so long ago and I told you it meant nothing."

Edward didn't speak for a couple seconds, probably just to build up anticipation, like we're in some dramatic Hollywood movie. "What I'm trying to say is that you can't have your cake and eat it to. I don't think we can move forward till the thing that caused this problem in the first place is gone."

"What are you saying?" I asked confused, even though I was pretty sure I knew what he meant.

"You have to choose Bella, me or James. You can't have both." he said with the most serious expression on his face that I'd ever seen.

I sat there and stared at Edward, thoughts flying through my mind about the ultimatum he just presented to me. Edward, the man I've been in love with since I was 19 years old, the father of my children, but also the man that cheated on me by sleeping with his ex girlfriend or James, the guy that has been the only constant in my life for the past eight months. The guy that I've been friends with for a very long time, that was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on while my husband was traveling the world, but also the guy that I kissed one night while drunk; the reason all of this started.

I looked at Edward with tears streaming down my cheek and even more coming from my eyes as I struggled to come up with an answer. "I'm sorry" I cried. "I'm so sorry"

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**I am currently working on the next chapter. I'm going to do my best.I don't know how I really feel about this chapter. I kind of just wanted to get it up and posted. With that said, there will be one more chapter posted but I'll probably do an epilogue or an update or something at some point. I'll try to post the next one as soon as possible, but who knows when that could be. Also, THANK YOU guys for all the reviews! Let's keep them coming. And I'd love to hear your predictions for what is going to happen in the next chapter! I read all the reviews even if I don't reply to them all :)**


	30. After The Storm

Eight Months Later

"Can we get these Mom?" Arabelle asked me.

I looked down to see her holding a box of donuts, "Sure" I said shrugging my shoulders. "But go pick out some kind of other dessert also and take your brother and sisters with you." I watched as Arabelle walked over to the dessert aisle with her siblings and began looking at all the choices.

"What can I get for you?" the man behind the counter asked me.

"Can I get six steaks and a couple pounds of the lemon marinated chicken breast please." As I waited for the man to get my meat I watched the kids from afar, making sure they didn't run away. I can't help but smile as I see how far they've all grown up over the past year. After everything that has happened between Edward and I and with James, the kids have managed to come out strong. Things have finally gotten back to normal around the house.

I heard the man behind the counter mumble something but I couldn't make it out because I was too focused on the kids. "I'm sorry what did you say?"

"I asked you if I could get you anything else?"

"Um yes please. Could I get two pounds of the potato salad, macaroni salad and coleslaw."

"What are you feeding? An Army?" He asked playfully.

I laughed, "Might as well be."

"Are those your kids over there?" he asked motioning towards where they were all still trying to decide on a dessert.

I nodded my head and smiled, "Yup. They all belong to me."

"They're beautiful children."

"Thanks."

"How old are they?"

"The oldest is nine, the middle one is six and then the two youngest are both four."

"It goes by fast doesn't it?"

I nodded my head, "So fast. It doesn't seem possible. Do you have any kids?"

"Yeah, I've got a son who is ten and a daughter that is eight." Just then all the kids came running over with a couple different types of pies in their hands.

"What'd you guys get good?"

"Blueberry pie and Chocolate Pie."

"Yum" I said putting them into the cart.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"I think I'm all good. Thanks." I said pushing the cart forward and waving bye.

"Have a good day!" he called as I moved forward.

After we finished picking up some more groceries and checking out we headed back to the house to cook all of the food for the cookout we were having in an hour. "Aunt Rosalie and Alice will be coming over in a couple minutes" I said to the kids when we got into the house. "Can you guys help me put the groceries away?"

As soon as I said it the doorbell rang, "I'll get the door." I said as the kids continued to mingle around the kitchen putting the food away.

I opened the door, which displayed Rosalie, Madison, Braidon, Alice and Candace. "Hi guys" I said giving them each a hug. "Come in" I said opening the door wider for them to walk in to the house. "Mmmm that looks so good. What is that?" I asked Rosalie about the dish she was holding.

"My Moms recipe for the perfect shish kabobs."

"You brought shish kabobs?!" I asked excitedly with my mouth held open wide. She nodded her head and laughed. "And this is why I love you." I said giving her another hug.

"What other kind of food do we have?" she asked as we walked into the kitchen.

"I got steaks, lemon chicken, macaroni salad, coleslaw and potato salad"

"You made all that?" Alice asked amazed.

I laughed, "No, I got it from the store obviously." Alice and Rosalie laughed and put their stuff down on the counter.

"So what's new? How have things been?" Alice asked me with a soft smile.

"I've been hectic and kind of stressful to be completely honest. It's hard doing all of this stuff alone again." I answered truthfully.

"We all know it's hard Bella but you're a strong girl. You can do it. He wouldn't have left if he didn't think you could do it by yourself."

"I know. It's not me I'm worried about, I can handle it. It's the kids that scare me the most. They hate when their father isn't in the same state as them, let alone the same country."

"Bella, if he thought for one second that something was bad for the kids he would fix it right away. After everything that has happened between you and him, the kids have meant the world to him and that will never change. If they wanted him to stop doing what he was doing then he probably would in a heart beat." Rosalie said sympathetically.

"I know but whatever. We are going to have so much fun tonight."

"Yeah? Are you totally excited?" Alice asked smiling and I nodded my head.

"I am so excited." I said with a big smile on my face.

"Good." Alice said giving me a hug. "Me too"

"Me Three" Rosalie called from across the kitchen as she stretched to reach a bowl.

"Ok guys, Go get ready for dinner" I called out the back door to the kids that were playing in the pool. They all jumped up and ran towards the door, laughing when Arabelle tripped over her foot and fell.

"Hurry up and go get changed guys. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes." Rosalie said to them as they ran in to the house. "Maddie and Bray, your clothes are in that bag on the couch right over there." She said pointing to the duffle bag places on the couch in the living room. They ran over and grabbed it before running quickly up the stairs.

A few minutes later everyone came jogging down the stairs, Belle first followed by Madison, Amia, Ariella, Aiden and Braydon tagging along. Please don't think I'm one of those parents that make their children dress up for dinner. They are all just wearing shorts and t-shirts or a skirt, basically whatever they wanted.

"Can you help us finish setting the table please?" I asked Madison and Arabelle. "I have the plates all set out and the silverware and the napkins." They walked over to the counter to get everything, "Thank You". Rosalie and I put the food on the table as the kids placed the plates, cups and silverware, while Alice began pouring drinks for the kids.

As soon as we finished setting up we heard the sound of someone at the door. I began walking to the living room with the door and it opened as soon as I reached the staircase. I smiled at the sight before me as the person the door had just displayed walked over to me, engulfing me in a hug and giving me a kiss on the lips.

"I've missed you so much." I said to him.

"I've missed you too Bella." He smiled down at me as he still held me in his arms. "I love you." He leaned down and gave me another kiss.

"I love you too Edward." I said back to him with a big smile on my face while I embraced him. "So much." It felt so good to say it out loud after all we've been through. We finally made it. It was a long road but I have finally found complete happiness

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First, Thank you all for being patient with me. I know it has been a long time since I've updated. I have been so busy that I've hardly had much time to do anything.

Second, I wanted this chapter to be good. I had the ending in my mind I just didn't know how to fill the rest of the chapter, so I apologize for the crappiness at the beginning. I hope it got better at the end. I just wanted to get this chapter up.

I hope you enjoyed it! I look forward to reading the reviews!


	31. Outtake

**This is a Edward-Bella one-shot. It takes place after Edward faced Bella with the decision of having to choose between him or James.**

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"You have to choose Bella, me or James. You can't have both." he said with the most serious expression on his face that I'd ever seen.

I sat there and stared at Edward, thoughts flying through my mind about the ultimatum he just presented to me. Edward, the man I've been in love with since I was 19 years old, the father of my children, but also the man that cheated on me by sleeping with his ex girlfriend or James, the guy that has been the only constant in my life for the past eight months. The guy that I've been friends with for a very long time, that was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on while my husband was traveling the world, but also the guy that I kissed one night while drunk; the reason all of this started.

I looked at Edward with tears streaming down my cheek and even more coming from my eyes as I struggled to come up with an answer. "I'm sorry" I cried. "I'm so sorry"

"Bella?" Edward asked me, his voice shaking from uncertainty. I glanced up to see the anxiousness in his eyes, as he wonders my choice.

"I just, can I say goodbye?" I finally asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"Can I say goodbye to James? I can't just leave him hanging."

I saw a smile break across Edward's face as he realized what I had just said. He nodded his head, "Absolutely."

"Thank you." I said giving Edward a hug, him wrapping his arms around me.

"I was scared for a second, I didn't know who you'd choose."

I looked up at him and sniffed away my tears, "Did you ever think you wouldn't be my choice Edward? You always were and always will be my choice."

"Well, I haven't always been." he said with a giggle.

"You have been since I was nineteen." Edward smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I've missed doing this you know."

"What?"

"This, kissing you. The past eight months have been pure hell for me Bella, I don't think I can even begin to describe to you how awful they have been."

"I think I can understand because I was going through the same thing."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I thought for a second, Do I want to talk about it and relive everything we went through? Or do I want to just let it go and forget it ever happened? The answer is that I want to do both, I want to forgive and forget but I know I won't be able to just like that. Too much has happened.

"Sure" I said giving him my answer. He nodded his head.

"Do you want to start?"

I nodded my head, "I don't even know where to begin." I laughed. "The night that you called me for the first time and accused me of cheating was the night that everything changed, I didn't want things to change but I knew they were going to. I felt betrayed, like you didn't have enough trust and faith in me. You doubted my love and it bothered me and that's why I did it I guess."

I looked at Edward who was listening intently to me, for the first time in eight months we were letting go of all our emotions and saying exactly what we felt. We were on the first step to recovery. "After it happened I felt awful and that's why I got on a plane to see you and tell you immediately. I couldn't _not_ tell you. The plane ride was just awful enough thinking about it, because I thought for sure it'd be all over. I never knew it would turn into this long thing, I never knew it would lead to where it did."

I looked down in disappointment of myself, "And then when I found out about you and Tanya I felt so betrayed" I looked at Edward who lowered his head at the mention of his ron' de voux with Tanya. "It made any anger I had in my body and multiplied it by a thousand. For the time time in our marriage I doubted if we could make it through. I didn't want to give up, but I thought I had to."

"I started drinking again because I was so low. Every night our issues ate at me, I couldn't sleep and I wanted to just spend all my time at the office to try and get my mind off of what was going on. I wanted to try to escape it but I couldn't. Everywhere I went I saw something about it, something that reminded me of it or you. I couldn't escape it." I let a few tears fall from my eyes as Edward pulled me in to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No, it felt good." I sat up and looked at Edward, "I want to hear your side." I said as I used a tissue to wipe away my tears.

Edward nodded his head and began talking, "I was so surprised when I saw you after the concert, I was so excited even if I didn't show it. I was just in shock, and then when I saw your face and you said we had to talk I knew something was wrong. When you told me it seemed like everything fell apart. I felt like everything we had worked for came tumbling down when you said you kissed him."

"That night on the bus I was silent, I didn't want to talk to anyone but Emmet and Jasper kept bothering me and asking me why you showed up and then left in a matter of an hour. I finally broke down and told them in the middle of the night. I woke them up at three in the morning," Edward let out a laugh at the recollection. "They helped me through it, that night anyway. They didn't leave my side. It made me realize that I am so thankful for them to be my brothers, it made me feel a deeper connection with them."

"I had so many different feelings about you, I felt betrayed and wanted to hate you but I couldn't because I was so in love with you. I don't know why I did it, I guess I just wanted to get revenge on you and I knew the only way how was to be to sleep with Tanya. After it happened I knew it was the biggest mistake I had ever made. But if it is any consolation, it wasn't that good. Do you know why?" I shook my head. "Because the whole time you were in my mind, no matter how much I tried to push you out. You were there."

"I told Emmet and Jasper the next day, they were shocked and furious with me. I made them promise not to tell you but I should have known you'd find out."

"I always do" I said and Edward laughed and nodded his head.

"You sure do. Every time we had to see each other, I was looking forward to it. I knew we had so many problems but I wanted to work on them and I hoped that each time maybe we could but when it came time to, I couldn't do it. I felt that resentment towards you and I felt the disappointment in myself."

"I wanted you to not hang out with James anymore, I knew I had a right to ask you not to hang out with him, but I promised myself I would never be that controlling husband. It wasn't until last week that I realized that I had a right to be selfish, I married you, you had my children. Your mine and if we wanted to go anywhere we had to have that conversation, you had to choose. How could we get to a solution if we didn't get rid of the problem? I'm not going to lie, there were moments of doubt in my mind, for a second I thought you were going to choose him." Edward looked down at his feet.

I put my hand on his chin and tilted his head up towards me, "I'd never choose another guy over you Edward. You're the love of my life, I'm in love with you and if anything, these eight months have made me realize that more then anything. I'm your biggest fan." I smiled at Edward, he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. "I've missed that so much."

"Me too babe, me too"

Edward and I may not have fixed all of our problems in just one conversation, but we overcame the biggest obstacle. When your in love you can overcome anything. Edward and I our living proof of that.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! And what would you like to see in the next one shot?**


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